哈佛大学幸福课第22课 中英文双语笔记

Harvard learning challenged association 哈佛学习障碍协会

And we are hosting a forum inspired by this class受到这门课的启发，我们将举行非一个论坛

Entitled learning disabilities 名叫学习缺陷

Learning challenges and positive psychology 学习障碍和积极心理学

A lot of student on campus are registered with learning disabilities很多校内学生都有学习缺陷

And even more have learning challenges有些甚至有学习障碍

Which can include a difficulty studying or chronic procrastination包括学习困难和长期拖延症

Also ,a lot of learning disabilities 而且，很多学习障碍

Are associated with higher rates of depression and low self-esteem都与抑郁症高发率和低自尊有关

So in this forum ,we hope to ask questions like 所以在这个论坛上，我们会问

"how can we think positively about learning disabilities?"如何积极看待学习障碍？

And "how can we use positive psychology我们如何用积极心理学

To further explore this field of studying?"进一步探索这片研究领域？All are welcome,whether you have learning challenge 欢迎大家参加，不管是你有学习障碍

or your friend does还是你的朋友

or you just have a tough time studying 或者你最近遇到学习困难

or you are just interested或者你只是感兴趣

Please come and join us.都请来参加

it's convenient time 时间很方便

one week from now,Tuesday 11:30 一周后，星期二11点半

at the Adams House Conservatory 地点是Adams宿舍音乐院

which is between the entrance and the dining hall of Adams House 就在入口和Adams宿舍的食堂中间

So mark your calendars记住在日程表上标出来了

It should a good discussion.we hope we'll see you there.这会是一次很愉快的讨论，希望到时候能见到大家

Thank you so much.非常感谢

My name is Holly.我叫Holly

And I'm the president of an organization on campus 我是校内一个协会的主席

called the Leadership Institute an Harvard College这个协会叫做哈佛大学领导才能协会

And David and I want to just quickly mention what the club does David 和我想简单跟大家介绍一下我们的协会

One of our founders actually is one of your TFs-John Deutch 我们的一位创立人就是你们的助教John Deutch

over here helped get the group started a few years back他几年前开始创立这个协会

So very briefly what the club has-forming programs 简单来说，我们的协会组织各种活动

all aimed up promoting leadership on campus旨在提高校内学生的领导能力

We have a development program where we bring in speakers 我们有一个发展活动，在这个活动里，我们会请人

to work on workshops and interactive seminars 在研讨会和互动会上演讲

that help all of us on really useful skills 教会我们真正有用的技巧

like running a meeting and negotiation and public speaking 例如主持会议，谈判，公众演讲

They are all free and open to all undergraduates这些活动对所有本科生免费开放

We also enable collaboration between student presidents,我们还会举行午餐会和讨论，让学生主席

chief editors,总编辑

captains on campus through luncheons and discussion forums校园队长进行合作

We have an outreach program where we train Harvard undergraduates 我们还有一个拓展计划训练哈佛本科生

as instructors for leadership curriculum当领导才能课程的讲师

And we run a one year program on Saturdays 我们有一个长达一年的活动，每周六举行

with middle school students here at Cambridge是和我们这里的Cambridge中学生一起参加的

And lastly,we are starting a student leadership focused magazine 最后，我们正在成立一份专注于领导才能的杂志

that will be distributed in the future在将来不久就会发行

Hey guys,My name is David Tebaldi大家好。我叫David Tebaldi

I'm the leadership development initiative director 我是领导才能协会发展领导才能活动的

at the Leadership Institute首要负责人

I'm here to give you a little bit of idea 我来为大家简单介绍一下

of what's in store for the fall我们秋季会有什么活动

First of all we have the Presidents Forum 首先我们会举行主席论坛which is a banquet that brings together the students all across the 这是一个聚集全校

students leaders from all across the campus 学生领导的宴会

to discuss their own experiences 他们会分享他们

with leadership and challenges related to that对领导才能以及相关挑战的经验

Afterwards we had a very first magazine coming out which is pretty

exciting然后我们会出版我们第一份杂志，非常激动人心

It'll have a lot of articles about leaders that we 里面会有很多文章关于以前

hosted the past events 主持过活动的领导

and their own experience with leadership以及他们在领导才能这方面的经验

We have a lot of other events following that as Holly mentioned before 我们接下来还会有很多活动，正如Holly 刚才提到

with negotiations and a lot of public speaking events are in store我们会有关于谈判和公众演讲的活动

If you'd like to know more,如果你们想了解更多

you can just google leadership institute at Harvard college 请搜索哈佛大学领导才能协会

and you should be able to find our website 大家就能找到我们的网页Thank you for your time谢谢你们

And I hope to see you at some of our events next year希望在下一年的活动上能看到大家

So we had a breakfast this morning with the teaching staff of this class我们今天早上和班上的助教吃了早餐

It was our final breakfast get-together这是我们最后一次的早餐聚餐And I'm a little bit sad我有点伤心

So hopefully I'll be happier by the end of the class希望上完这节课后我能开心一点

Today we'll finish up on self-esteem今天我们会讲完自尊

And the next time is the last time we meet 下节课是我们最后一次上课

for this semester at least至少是这个学期

And I'll summarize what we have done,我会总结一下我们讲过的内容where we have been 我们讲过的

and all the place we will go 和我们将要讲的内容

Just a recap on what we did 先回顾一下我们讲过的

which is on the slide now就在幻灯片上

There's been a lot of research ,有很多研究

a lot of talk of how important self-esteem is 有很多观点都说了自尊有多重要

and it is important自尊确实很重要

There's research suggesting that it's connected to our well being 有研究表明它与我们的健康

to our success that is inversely related to crime 成功有关，低自尊通常与犯罪

substance abuse,药物滥用

unhappiness,anxiety,depression心情低落，焦虑，抑郁有关

So self-esteem is important we know that 所以自尊很重要，这我们知

道

However,not all was well in self-esteem land 但是在自尊这个课题里，也不是天下太平的

as we discussed last time我们上节课讲过了

Part of the problem is that there is contradictory evidence问题之一就是自相矛盾的证据

On the other hand 一方面

self-esteem is associated with benevolence and generosity and empathy 高自尊的人通常都仁慈，慷慨和富有同情心

On the other hand 但另一方面

high self-esteem has been shown to be associated with hostility 高自尊的人又会表现出敌意

lack of cooperation,defensiveness缺乏合作精神，有抵触情绪

There's also misunderstanding about or 另一个问题就是人们误解about how self-esteem affects performance,自尊对表现的影响

how it affects happiness 对幸福的影响

and where that comes from以及当中的原因

The paradox of self-esteem自尊的矛盾

Sometimes we feel like we are doing so well,有时候我们觉得自己表现的很优秀

we are getting so many accolades,受到很多赞扬

our self-esteem increases only to go back to its base level ,但自尊上升

后，很快又回落到基本水平

only worse,甚至更糟

because now we have to do even more 因为我们要尽更大的努力

to come back to our base level of self-esteem,才能让自尊回到基本水平have to get more accolades,我们要得到更多的赞扬

more achievements取得更多的成就

Nothing is enough anymore 做什么都不够了

So there are these contradictory evidence 所以有证明表明自尊的来源where self-esteem comes from 以及它的后果

and its consequences存在矛盾

And one of the ways to explain it is by drawing on the work 解释这些矛盾的方法之一就是借鉴别人的研究

of people like Maslow例如Maslow

Nathaniel Branden people like Nathaniel Branden,

people like Carl Rogers,Rollo May,Lovinger 或者Carl Rogers,Rollo May,Lovinger

to see how we can perhaps break down self-esteem into its components 看看我们能怎么分解自尊的基本构成

that's what my dissertation did,这是我论文的内容

this is what I presented to you in the previous class 也是我上节课跟大家讲的内容

basically take the ideas of the select field researchers 基本上就是讲了

自尊这个领域里的研究人员的观点

who had been thinking about it,那些思考这个问题的人

people like Robert Kegan across the road from the Ed school 例如马路对面的教育学院的Robert Kegan

think about self-esteem more developmentally他研究自尊的角度更倾向于发展心理学

And I presented the epigenetic model epigenetic,我给大家介绍了那个渐成模型，渐成

once again ,meaning that one level has to be fulfilled 再说一次，它的意思就是必须实现了一层

or at least partly fulfilled before we can go the next level或者至少部分实现了一层，才能去到下一层

And the three level are dependent self-esteem,这三层分别是依赖型自尊

independent self-esteem,独立型自尊

and unconditional self-esteem和无条件型自尊

Dependent self-esteem,,the two components of it,依赖型自尊，它有两个构成部分

First of all,首先

person with high dependence needs the accolades of others constantly ,有高度依赖型自尊的人时刻需要他人的赞扬

chooses whether it's a career path or what to do this afternoon,不管选

择什么职业，还是决定下午做什么样的小事

based on how much approval that will gain him or her都是根据他人的认同来做决定的

Person with dependent self-esteem 有依赖型自尊的人

when it comes to competence 在能力感方面

always compares him or herself to others总是拿自己跟别人比较

Am I better or am I worse ?Superior or inferior?我比他们好还是差？比他们优秀还是不如他们？

Independent self-esteem is self-esteem that's contingent on the self,独立型自尊是一种取决于自我的自尊

in terms of how I evaluate myself,这样的人在评价自己时

that's my internal voice that's speaking用的是自己的意见

In terms of how my levels of competence are determined,他们的能力感取决于

it depends on how much I have improved,自己认为自己进步了多少how much better I've got,改善了多少

how much I feel that I have fulfilled my potential觉得自己的潜力发挥了多少

That's independent self-esteem,这就是独立型自尊

not contingent on what other people say or think并不取决于他人的言论或想法

Unconditional self-esteem is the highest level,无条件型自尊是最高层次

的自尊

the level that Maslow would talk about"the self-actualization",也就是Maslow 所说的“自我实现”

what David Schnarch talks about as "differentiated" David Schnarch 所说的“分化良好型”

or at the level of being known rather than desiring to be validated想被了解，而不是被认可

Unconditional self-esteem is our self-esteem is high enough 无条件性自尊是指我们的自尊高到

we feel good enough about ourselves,让我们对自己感觉很好

not to be concerned with evaluations with others 所以我们并不在乎别人怎么看自己

or even with self evaluations甚至不在乎自己怎么看自己

In terms of comparison在比较方面

We don't compare ;we are inter-dependent,我们不会比较，我们是相互依存的

connected to others相互联系的

So the example that I gave last time is of a book我上节课举得一个例子是写书

Let's say I publish a book and I have high dependent self-esteem假设我出版一本书，我是一个高度依赖型自尊的人

First of all,I write it首先，我写这本书

I publish it so that I can get accolades我出版这本书，是为了得到赞扬My primary motivation is external approval我的首要动机是获得外界认同

My primary motivation is wanting to bring out a book 我的首要动机是想出版一本

that will be better than the other books out there.比别人的书都好的书so relative competence as well as externally other-determined相比较而获得的能力感，以及取决于外界

So if I bring in a book and write a book又假设我写了一本书

and I have high independent self-esteem我是一个高度独立型自尊的人

I write it and I evaluate it myself.我写了书，我自己评价

"this is good work,"or "this is not so good",“这是一本好书”或者“这本书不怎么样”

needs improvement需要修改

In terms of comparison,在比较方面

I compare to myself "I've improved a lot since I started writing"我跟自己比较“我比起刚开始写时进步了很多”

This book is actually better than my previous book这本书比我之前一本要好

My work has become more authentic,more real我的书写的更真实了That's independent self-esteem evaluation这是独立型自尊的评价

Unconditional self-esteem,无条件型的自尊

the highest level that we know of;是我们所知的最高层次的自尊

I write a book and I'm not concerned about evaluation,我写了一本书，我不在乎评价

whether it's good or bad of course ,I want to be better and better,不管它是好是坏，我当然想变得越来越好

but that doesn't affect how I feel about myself但这并不影响我对自己的感觉

I simply exist我就是我

I write the book;I'm in a state of flow,我写了这本书，我处于心流状态experiencing the experience我体验这种经历

In terms of whether it's better than others至于这本书是不是比别人的好

or better than I've written it doesn't matter或者比我以前写的好，这都不重要

What I'm happy about 我高兴的是

What makes me happy is bringing a good book into existence我写成了一本书

And I would be as happy如果别人也写了一本书

if someone else wrote the book我也回同样替他感到高兴

I'd be as happy or happier that someone else wrote a better book 别人写了一本更好的书，我会同样高兴，甚至更高兴

that can help others more这本书更能帮助到人

Important thing to understand about this model这个模型有很重要的一点需要明白的

The three levels is that we will all have all three basically from a very young age我们从很小的年纪开始就有这三层自尊

It's not that the Dalai Lama or Mother Teresa 并非只有达赖喇嘛或特蕾莎修女

or Nelson Mandela or Margaret Mead 曼德拉或者玛格丽特米德

that people who we know have been 这样的名人

are self-actualized才是自我实现的人

It's not that they don't care about what other people say他们并不在乎别人的看法

However, they are mostly,但他们

most of their lives ,most of the time,大部分的时候

self-determined do what they believe in都是自决的，做自己相信的事Feel a sense of connection to others,和人相互联系

want to make the world a better place想让世界变得更美好

But it's not that they don't care但他们并非不在乎

It's not that they don't evaluate themselves relative to themselves 并非他们评价自己时不会跟自己比较

or relative to others也不会跟他人比较

That's part of human nature这是人的天性

My error,when I started with this research我犯过一个错误，当我开始这个研究时

Was that I said to myself我跟自己说

"OK,I just want to have independent"好的，我想要独立型自尊

And later when I understood what unconditional self-esteem当后来我明白无条件型自尊是什么时

I said ,"well,I want to have unconditional self-esteem"我说“我想要无条件型自尊”

And I situated those two on the good side 我把这两种自尊列为好的and dependent self-esteem,bad把依赖型自尊列为坏的

And what then happened?结果呢

It only intensified my dependency on others只加剧了我对他人的依赖Because when we fight nature因为当我们有违天性时

Nature fights back and we can't win天性就会跟我们作对，我们赢不了You know,it's like going back to the second class就像第二节课一样

If I say to myself如果我跟自己说

"Tal,don't be nervous,don't be nervous ,don't be anxious." Tal 别紧张，别紧张，别心急

What happens?the pink elephants begin to come out结果呢？我看到粉红色大象出来了

And I become even more anxious and more nervous我变得更焦虑更紧张了

Whereas I accept it is part of my nature但当我接受这种天性时

Let it be permission to be human放任它，不强求自己

It loses a lot of its vitality and force and control它就顿时威力大减Because I can say因为我可以说

"OK,Yes ,I care that this person didn't like my book,好的，这个人不喜欢我的书，我无所谓

didn't like my class"不喜欢我的课，无所谓

And I accepted it,it's nature,it hurts me我接受它，这是天性，我会伤心I would much rather that they all like it我当然想他们都喜欢

But I can move on then,and said但转念一想，我就想通了

"OK,what would the most authentic life that I can lead"我要怎样才能活出自我

How can I the teacher who is known as opposed 我作为一个老师要怎样才能被了解

To constantly concerned about validation?而不是整天想着得到别人的认同

Active acceptance.Revisited积极接受，回顾一下

Accepting my nature and then deciding接受我的天性，然后决定What would the most appropriate action to take 最合适的做法是什么One of the ,my role model is Warren Bennis我的榜样之一是Warren Bennis

Warren Bennis has done a lot of research and a lot of speaking

Warren Bennis在领导才能这个领域

And a lot of work in the area of leadership做过很多研究，演讲和工作He teaches audit in University of Southern California他先在南加州大学旁听课

Was before he was at Harvard and MIT后来才来哈佛和麻省理工

And he came to Harvard Business School for three years他来哈佛商学院教了三年

And the first year as a visiting professor第一年，作为客座教授

The first year I took his class第一年我上了他的班

Which was an extraordinary experience一次非常特别的经历

The second year when he taught it第二年，他教那个班时

I was his teaching assistant我当了他的助教

And I used to work a lot with him and interact with him 我经常和他一起工作互动

And was constantly amazed by Warren我经常为Warren折服

Warren ,at the time was 80 years old,now he's 83 Warren当时80岁，他现在83岁了

Would walk into the room and the room would light up他走进教室时，整个教室亮了起来

It was his smile,his posture,his openness他的微笑，姿势，直率

His expressiveness他丰富的表达

Was there about his interacting with people都是为了和同学们发生互

动

And making the other person just by being there他的一举一动让其他人

Feel better about themselves 对自己感觉更好了

And he was confident and strong他自信坚强

And what I would classify as self-actualized as person我把这样的人视为自我实现的人

With very high unconditional self-esteem他有很高的无条件自尊

And we became very close and he helped me in many areas我们走的很近，他在很多方面给了我帮助

Most of all just by being himself .me observing him最大的帮助就是活出自我，我观察他

Learning from him ,assimilating what he had to give the world学习他，吸收他给这个世界带来的东西

And what he was giving day in and day out吸收他每天给数百万读他书的人

To thousands and millions of people who have read his book听他演讲的人

Who has been to his lectures 和他有过接触的人

Who've had the privilege of interacting with him所带来的知识

And one day after a couple of years几年后，有一天

I was his TA我是他的助教

And we were close我们的关系很亲近

I said to him 我跟他说

Warren ,how is it that you are like this ?“Warren，你是怎么变成现在这样的？”

how is it that you are like this ?你是怎么变成现在这样的？

And his response was put his hand on my shoulder他的回应时，把手放在我的肩膀

Looked at me with his clam看着我，带着一个平静

Accepting ,giving smile and said 接受，慷慨的微笑，说

Tal,I wasn't always like this “Tal，我不是一出生就这样的”

And that's where he left it他就只说了这一句

And this is what I needed to hear这就是我需要听到的答案

Because in his response因为在他的回答里面

Where two very important many more有很多重要的信息

But two very important messages而最重要的两个信息是

The first message is that it evolves第一个，他是慢慢进步成这样的

It take time ;you don't become third level需要时间，你不会在20岁的时候，或者40岁时

Self-actualized individual overnight at the age of 20一夜之间，去到第三层自尊

Or even at the age of 40变成一个自我实现的人

It takes time ;it takes works;it takes self-awareness需要时间，需要下工

夫

It takes falling down and getting up 需要一次次跌倒和站起来Learning to fail学会失败

Then learning from the failure然后从失败中学习

It takes learning to accept oneself需要学习接受自己

It takes being open and being vulnerable and making mistakes需要敞开心扉，接受伤害，犯错

It takes being human ,fully human需要做一个彻彻底底的人

I was not always like this我不是一出生就这样的

The second message that I got from this 他的回答中第二个信息是

Is that Warren was genuine他很真诚

He was real.He didn't say to me他很真实，他没有跟我说

"oh Tal,stop" “tal，别夸我”

Not really,come on ,thank you我也不是很厉害，过奖了

But no他没这样

He was real ,he knows his worth他很真诚，他知道自己的价值

He's confident他自信

There was no false modesty involved他没有虚伪的谦虚

And it reminded me这让我想起

That when I started to think about self-esteem当我开始思考自尊时And the true meaning of self-esteem自尊的真正意义

As you read in Branden's work Branden的著作中所写的意义