12 Toxic Thoughts You Need To Drop For A Better Life

12 Toxic Thoughts You Need To Drop For A Better Life

为了一个更好的生活而应摒弃的12种有毒思想

One of my mottoes is “Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life!” I’m a big believer that our thoughts and emotions shape our experiences. The problem is that most people aren’t even aware of their negative thoughts. It’s almost like they have just become a h abit, so it seems normal to them. Here are 12 common toxic thoughts that you need to drop in order to have a better life:

“改变你的想法就能改变你的生活!”这是我的座右铭之一。我深信一个人的想法和情绪能改变他们对事物的体验。问题在于大多数人甚至觉察不到他们脑中的负面思想,好似它们已经成为一个习惯。下面是我列举的“为了更好的生活应该抛弃的12种有毒思想”。

1. Thinking that you are a victim.

You’re not a victim. So stop blaming other people or your circumstances for your problems. Just because you don’t like where you are now doesn’t mean that you can’t take personal responsibility to change it for the better. So get rid of that victim-mentality because it doesn’t help anything. In fact, it acts as an obstacle to success. Realize that you, and only you, are responsible for your destiny.

1.认为自己是受害者

你不是受害者。不要因为自己的问题责备他人或环境。你不喜欢现在的处境并不意味着你不能改变以求更好的境遇。所以不要存有受害心理因为它对你没有丝毫帮助,还会成为你成功路上的阻碍。一定要意识到只有你自己能为自己的命运负责。

2. Thinking that you can change other people.

You can’t. I had to learn this the hard way. There was a time in my life when I thought I could “motivate” and “inspire” people to be their best selves. It took me a while to realize that the only thing that can change other people is themselves. If they don’t want to change—or don’t know how—then all of your efforts will be wasted. So don’t worry about other people. If you don’t like them “as is,” then you have the choice to not hang out with them anymore. But you don’t have the right to change them.

2.认为自己能改变他人

你不能改变他人。我走了很多弯路才意识到这点。我曾以为我能“激励”人们做最好的自己。过了很长段时间我发现唯一能使他人改变的是他们自己。如果一个人不想改变或不知道怎么改,那么你所做的一切努力都是白费的。所以不要为别人担心了。如果你不喜欢他们现在的行为习惯等,你可以选择不跟他们来往,而你没有权利去改变他们。3. Thoughts that constant ly resist “What Is.”

Some things you can change. In fact, a LOT of things you can change. You can lose weight. You can find a better job. You can go back to school. You can work on your marriage. But there are some things you can’t change. Those things are simply “what is.” You can’t change that your boss is a jerk. You can change jobs, but you can’t change your boss. You can’t change the fact that you have to pay rent or your mortgage. But you can stop resisting it. Resisting the unchangeable does nothing more than frustrate you and make you miserable. So change what you can, and accept what you can’t.

认为自己能抵制事实

有一些事情你是可以改变的。其实,有很多事情你都能改变。你可以减肥,你可以找一个更好的工作。你可以回学校读书。你可以好好经营婚姻。但是有些事情你是无力改变的。那些

无法改变的事情就是事实。如果你的老板是个混蛋,你不能改变这一点。你可以换工作,但不能去换老板。你不能改变必须交房租或者还贷款的事实,但你能让自己停止抵制。抵制不能改变的事实只能让你愈加受挫让你狼狈不堪。因此改变你能改变的,接受你不能改变的。

4. Thinking that “The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side.”

“If only I was as pretty as that girl, then I’d be happy.” Or “If only I was as rich as that guy, then I’d be happy.” Those kinds of thoughts aren’t true. Just because you think someone else has it better than you doesn’t mean they do. Maybe the pretty girl came from an abusive home and can’t get her life in order. And maybe the rich guy spends so much time at work that he never gets to see his family. The grass is not greener on the other side. So appreciate the grass you have. It’s your grass. So love it.

4.认为“另一边的草总是比较绿”

“要是我和那个女孩一样漂亮我就能开心了”,“如果我跟那家伙一样有钱,我就开心了”,这些想法是不对的。仅仅因为你认为别人的东西比自己的好并不意味这就是事实。那个漂亮女孩可能来自一个施暴家庭,无法掌握自己的生活;那个有钱人可能因为长时间工作见不到家人。别人的东西并不总比自己的好。好好欣赏你的绿草吧,那是你的,好好爱它。

5. Having expectations of other people.

Expectations can be deadly to happiness, even if you think your expectation is reasonable, such as having your roommate or spouse do his/her share of the chores around the house. Just because you expect it doesn’t mean they will do it. Realize that your expectations come from your personal experiences and biases. They are not necessarily other people’s priority. You probably don’t like being expected to do things that you don’t want to do, so don’t impose your expectations on others. If you don’t like their behavior, either accept it, or move on.

5.对别人有所期待。

有所期待对一个人的幸福感有可能是致命的伤害,即使你认为你的期望是合理的,比如让你室友或配偶做他们该做的那份家务。仅仅因为你期望他们这样做并不代表他们就会做家务。记得你的期望源于你的经验及偏见。这些期望并不见得是别人优先考虑的事。

你自己可能也不喜欢做自己不想做而别人又期待你做的事情吧,所以不要把自己的期望强加在别人身上。如果你不喜欢他们的行为,要么接受,要么继续自己的生活。

6.Thinking that having a significant other will complete you.

If you are not a whole person already, then having a romantic partner will not make you whole. Plus, it puts a lot of pressure on the other person to “make you happy.” You need to be happy with yourself with or without someone. Having a significant other doesn’t make you happier. Only you can make yourself happy.

6. 认为找到另一半就能让自己完整

如果你已经不完整了,那么一个爱人也不能让你有所改观。况且这样做还会让你的另一半很有压力,因为他要承担“使你快乐”的责任。你需要快乐,不管有没有这样一个人。找另一半并不能真正让你快乐起来,只有自己才能让自己快乐。

7. Feeling that you always need to prove that you are right.

I always wonder why people will fight to the death to prove they ar e “right.” What’s the point? I think it’s because they don’t want to look weak. Or vulnerable.Or stupid. But I think admitting you are wrong is a much more noble and mature thing to do. Besides, everyone has a different opinion. So why not have yours and let them have theirs?

7认为自己时时刻刻都需要向人证明自己是正确的。

我总是觉得奇怪,为什么人们誓死也要证明自己是“对的”。有意义吗?我知道他们不想让自己看起来很弱或者蠢。但我想有时候承认自己是错的更加有尊严更加成熟。再说了,每个人都有自己的观点。那为什么不在保有自己的观点的同时也让别人保有自己的观点呢?

8. Worrying about what other people think.

Why do you care? Do you think they are judging yo u? I’m going to let you in on a little secret. No one is judging you as much as you are judging yourself. Other people are too busy judging themselves just like you that they probably don’t even give you a second thought! So do what makes you happy. And if others are judging you, then it’s their problem, not yours. Ignore them and be happy anyway.

7.担心别人是怎么想的

你为什么这么在意别人的看法呢?你觉得他们会评价你吗?那么我来告诉你一个小秘密吧。别人并没有评价你,是你自己在评价自己。别人也忙于评价自己甚至都没有时间思考你的一丝一毫。所以做自己喜欢的事情吧。如果他人真的在妄自评断,那也是他们的问题而不是你的。忽略他们,无论如何自己开心就好。

9. Thinking there is only ONE right and ONE wrong.

We live in a world where we like to think there is an objective reality. But guess what? Objective reality is an illusion. It doesn’t exist. Only subjective realities do. What one person thinks is the “truth” is not the truth for someone else. For example—who’s right? The Republicans or the Democrats? Well, it depends on who you ask, right? Everyone thinks something is right because it fits their life and the way they look at the world. And that’s it. Period. End of story.

9.认为世界只有一个标准答案

我们倾向于认为我们所在的世界是有一个客观真理的。可你猜怎么着?客观事实只是幻想,并不存在。主观事实才是真实存在的。一个人认为的真理并不适用于另一个人。谁是对的?共和党还是民主党?这取决于你所问的对象,是吧?每个人都有一些自认为是真理的事实,因为它们符合自己的生活符合自己的价值观。如此而已。

10. Worrying about the future because you feel unprepared.

I love this saying: “Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.” And if you believe in the power of prayer, then you know that sending out thoughts and emotions into the Universe/God (whatever your belief system) works much of the time. So instead, be here in the NOW. Now is all you have. So be present and stop worrying about the future because you can only control it to a certain extent.

10.杞人忧天

我喜欢这种说法:“担忧只是在祈祷得到你不想要的东西。”如果你相信祷告的力量,那么你也就应该知道你向宇宙或者上帝(不管你的信念是什么)传达的思想和情感大部分时间里都是有效的。既然如此,就活在当下吧。当下是你所拥有的全部,不要再担心未来,因为你只能在有限的程度上把握它。

11. Thinking that money equals happiness.

We live in a capitalistic culture that values money and achievement. We think that people who have a lot of money are somehow better than those who don’t. But that’s simply not true. I’m sure there are plenty of happy monks in the world who probably don’t hold a dollar to their names. Or someone working at McDonald’s may be really happy while some billionaires aren’t. So don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have to be rich to be happy. It simply isn’t true. Money is nice, but it doesn’t make you happy. Only you can do that.

11. 认为金钱代表快乐

我们生活在重视金钱和成就的资本主义文化里。我们认为有很多钱的人怎么都比没钱的人好。但这是不对的。我相信世界有很多身无分文的快乐和尚,或者说在麦当劳的小工可以活得非常开心而亿万富翁却不能如此。不要再跌入“有钱才能开心”的陷阱。那绝非事实。有钱是好的,但不能让你开心。只有自己能让自己开心。

12. Believing that the past determines your future.

Just because you came from a poor family, or made mistakes in the past does not mean that you can’t make your future better. If you have labeled yourself as a “failure” because of your past, then you will only continue your “failure” attitude into the future. And if you’ve heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy phenomenon, then you know that what you think, you become. So like I said in the opening paragraph: “Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life!”

12. 认为过去决定你的未来

仅仅因为你来自一个穷人家庭或者过去犯了错误并不意味着你就不能让你未来更美好。如果你因为自己的过去而给自己贴上“失败”的标签,那么你就只能用失败态度继续生活。若你听说过“自我实现的预言”,那就该知道你怎么想自己,你就会成为什么样的人。正如我在开篇讲的那样:“改变你的思维方式就能改变你的生活!”

I hope that this article has made you think long and hard about the toxic thoughts that probably go through your mind every day. And I bet you didn’t even know it! So start pa ying attention to what you think, and when you catch your negative thoughts, hit the “cancel” and “delete” buttons—FAST!

我希望这篇文章能让你好好思考这些你可能每天都会想到的有毒思想。我打赌你根本没意识到这点。现在就开始关注你的思想吧,找到你的负面思想,点击“删除”键——要快!

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