Is true friendship dying away

Is true friendship dying away?

By Mark Vernon

Updated 7/26/2010 5:55 PM | Comments 64 | Recommend 28

文章来源：https://www.wendangku.net/doc/8d1921740.html,/news/opinion/forum/2010-07-27-column27_ST_N.htm

To anyone paying attention these days, it's clear that social media — whether Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn or any of the countless other modern-day water coolers —are changing the way we live.

Indeed, we might feel as if we are suddenly awash in friends. Yet right before our eyes, we're also changing the way we conduct relationships. Face-to-face chatting is giving way to texting and messaging; people even prefer these electronic exchanges to, for instance, simply talking on a phone.Smaller circles of friends are being partially eclipsed by Facebook acquaintances routinely numbered in the hundreds. Amid these smaller trends, growing research suggests we could be entering a period of crisis for the entire concept of friendship. Where is all this leading modern-day society? Perhaps to a dark place, one where electronic stimuli slowly replace the joys of human contact.

Awareness of a possible problem took off just as the online world was emerging. Sociologist Robert Putnam published the book Bowling Alone, a survey of the depleting levels of "social capital" in communities, from churches to bowling allies. The pattern has been replicated elsewhere in the Western world. In the United Kingdom, the Mental Health Foundation just published The Lonely Society, which notes that about half of Brits believe they're living in, well, a lonelier society. One in three would like to live closer to their families, though social trends are forcing them to live farther apart.

Typically, the pressures of urban life are blamed: In London, another poll had two-fifths of respondents reporting that they face a prevailing drift away from their closest friends. Witness crowded bars and restaurants after work: We have plenty of acquaintances, though perhaps few individuals we can turn to and share deep intimacies. American sociologists have tracked related trends on a broader scale, well beyond the urban jungle. According to work published in the American Sociological Review, the average American has only two close friends, and a quarter don't have any.

Shallow friendships

It should be noted that other social scientists contest these conclusions. Hua Wang and Barry Wellman, of the universities of Southern California and Toronto respectively, refer to "some panic in the United States about a possible decline in social connectivity." But notice their language: "social connectivity." That is not the same as intimate friendship. While social networking sites and the like have grown exponentially, the element that is crucial, and harder to investigate, is the quality of

the connections they nurture.

Yet we know that less is more(物以希为贵) when it comes to deeper relationships. It is lonely in the crowd. A connection may only be a click away, but cultivating a good friendship takes more. It seems common sense to conclude that "friending" online nurtures shallow relationships —as the neologism "friending"（加为好友）itself implies.”

It is striking that loneliness should be regarded as a mental health issue, and that seems right. At least since the ancient Greeks, it has been recognized in our political philosophies that we are social animals. Aristotle was just one thinker to remark that an individual could have everything that life can offer — career, family and money —but if a person didn't have a good friend, his or her life would be fundamentally lacking. A society that thwarts opportunities for deeper sociality, therefore, stymies well-being.

No single person is at fault, of course. The pressures on friendship today are broad. They arise from the demands of work, say, or a general busyness that means we have less quality time for others. How many individuals would say that friendship is the most important thing in their lives, only to move thousands of miles across the continent to take up a better-paid job?

It starts with childhood

Of course, we learn how to make friends — or not — in our most formative years, as children. Recent studies on childhood, and how the contemporary life of the child affects friendships, are illuminating. Again, the general mood is one of concern, and a central conclusion often reached relates to a lack of what is called "unstructured time."

Structured time results from the way an average day is parceled up for our kids —time for school, time for homework, time for music practice, even time for play. Yet too often today, no period is left unstructured. After all, who these days lets his child just wander off down the street? But that is precisely the kind of fallow time so vital for deeper friendships. It's then that we simply "hang out," with no tasks, no deadlines and no pressures. It is in those moments that children and adults alike can get to know others for who they are in themselves.

If there is a secret to close friendship, that's it. Put down the device; engage the person.（培养亲密友谊的法宝就在于此---摘下面具，与人交往）

Aristotle had an attractive expression to capture the thought: close friends, he observed, "share salt together." It's not just that they sit together, passing the salt across the meal table. It's that they sit with one another across the course of their lives, sharing its savor — its moments, bitter and sweet. "The desire for friendship comes quickly; friendship does not," Aristotle also remarked. It's a key insight for an age of instant social connectivity, though one in which we paradoxically have an apparently growing need to be more deeply connected.

Mark Vernon is a writer and honorary research fellow at Birkbeck College in London.

He is the author of the new book The Meaning of Friendship.

Comments:

RealtorRoy (0 friends, send message) wrote: 10/20/2010 2:27:24 PM

I saw 4 or 5 kids sitting at a table and noticed that even though they were at the same table, they were not talkiing to each other. I realized they were all TEXT MESSAGING each other . What is this world coming to ? lol

Pooh Bah (4 friends, send message) wrote: 7/30/2010 8:19:54 AM

The end of Faux-Friendships is glad tidings! This development is a chance to get serious about who real friends are and to recognize that a long list of "Christmas card" people is not a list of close friends, just a list of networking entanglements.

The Mick (73 friends, send message) wrote: 7/28/2010 9:18:54 PM

Every time I add a new friend of Facebook, several mutual acquaintances who are friends with that friend want to be friends. Friendship seems to have become a more remote notion.

abby1957 (12 friends, send message) wrote: 7/28/2010 6:49:18 AM

I am constantly made fun of because I limit my Facebook friends to my family - it's been wonderful for keeping up with those living a great distance from me - my friends where I live have to actually talk to me face to face.

I have actually had people get really angry because I don't 'friend' them. I really don't care if I'm your 500th friend.

DHanley61359 (0 friends, send message) wrote: 7/28/2010 2:23:49 AM

If true friendship dies it is your own fault, period. Cell phones, text messaging have allowed me to be in contact with my Bestest Friend way more often. We have realized that things like facebook are indeed negative for developing friendship and are often only just a front for silly games and emotionless dribble. We have turned off the computers, taken more walks and exercise together regularly. Cell phones and text messaging allows us to keep the positive in each other lives by saying we care, we love, we make each other laugh. True friendship is not dead or dying. You are willingly committing murder. Turn off technology and hug a true friend. Talk, listen, love and care. I am closer to my BFF because we realize things like Facebook don't help real friendship. I can be with her when she needs me, even if it is just a hello on the phone or a text message that says I love you. Facebook is nothing more than meaningless dribble. It does nothing to endorse true friendship. It is all about I have more friends than you, what does your underwear say about you, and what is your favorite sex position. Turn off the computer and take a walk with a true friend. Oversanitized (10 friends, send message) wrote: 7/27/2010 6:01:16 PM

This article is saying what I've been feeling since tech talk hit its stide. It's one of the reasons why I refuse to text, tweet, twitter etc. Talk 2 me on phone or in person. All

the other stuff just leads to superficial non-speak. 90% of all that tech talk is irrelevant anyway. a HUGE waste of time.

cantor2537 (0 friends, send message) wrote: 7/27/2010 7:28:13 PM

This is exactly why I don't text. I have a FB account which I barely go on. Most of the other people I know who are on FB have hundreds of "friends" because they like to show off about their popularity (when in actual fact everybody knows you only talk to 4 or 5 of them on a regular basis, if that). I am 30, grew up in the tech age, but texting is so not personal that I just don't do it. If someone sends me a text, I call them back. How hard is it?

……

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篇一：人教版高一英语必修一unit1 friendship全单元教案 unit 1 friendship participants: 靳燕，黄洋，董妮娅，仝亚军，李桂秀，吴晓，邹舍龙 school: tai zhou no.1 senior middle school 1.teaching aims and demands 2. suggested teaching notes 1). analyses of the teaching contents this unit is about friendship, and nearly all the teaching materials center on it. friend, and in it reveals her longing for a normal life and days. matching. learning about language---it teaches the important expressions and structures and grammar: direct and indirect speeches. strengthening students’ abilities to practice language, discover, and solve problems. friendship, to get students to realize the culturaldifferences in the values of friendship in additionits importance in all cultures. 2) making of the teaching plan this unit centers on friends and friendship, exploring different types of 3. teaching plans for each period 1. teaching objectives: 1) target language i (don’t) think…… i (don’t) think so. i (don’t) agree.i believe…… that’s correct. in my opinion, …… 2) ability goals a. describe your friends in english 3) learning ability goals a. to encourage students to think and talk about friends and friendship by using some phrases and structures. c. to cultivate the students to form the good habit of learning english in senior middle school. 2. teaching important points: a. b. use the given adjectives and sentence structures to describe one of your friends. learn to evaluate friends and friendship. 3. teaching difficult points: a. b. 4. teaching methods a. task-based teaching and learning b. cooperative learning c. discussion

friendship英语作文演讲稿

Today,I will talk about whether friendship is a necessity. I hold that friendship is a necessity in life. Of course ,the majority of people will agree with me. Friendship is a kind of human relations. It is a human instinct to make friends. It plays an important part in our life. Friendship not only brings us a lot of happiness,but also reduces the sense of loneliness.Because friendship is a basic source of hope in our lives .For example,when we are happy,we can share our feelings with friends; when we achieve success ,we can also tell friends to share our joys.when we are sad,friends are good listeners who can give us suggestions to make us get rid of it,if we are in trouble, we can turn to friends for help , friends will surround us and friends will offer us support and encouragement. Every one of us needs friends, so that we can depend on each other. people want to do friends favours and hate to break a promise. In contrast with marriage ,there are no friendship ceremonies to strengthen the association between two persons.But the supporting and understanding of each other does seem to a powerful bond ,which can overcome differences in background ,and break down barriers of age, class or race. In terms of real friendship, true friends share not only joy ,but more often they share sorrow. As we get to know people, we take into account things like age, race ,economic conditions,social position,and intelligence.To the true friendship , these factors are not of prime importance. close friends just have similar ideas and beliefs and have attitudes and interests in common . Friendship is also a bridge between people to communicate with each others, which let us understand each other better. in the modern age, people attach more importance to relations and connections.Diffient people will make our minds more advanced and mature . To me, I will never forget my old friends and keep making new friends. With friendship, life is happy and harmonious. without friendship, we will be denyed with fortunate and happiness. Therefore, friendship is necessity. That’s all. Thank you.