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Romance and Reality Romance can be dangerously seductive (引诱的,诱人的). A full moon, soft candlelight -- the mood is complete. Add an attractive partner and some soft background music, and who can resist feeling “in love”? This, after all, is what the magazine ads say love is supposed to look like. If you find a partner who provides this setting and invites you in, it's natural to think of love. Romance is both an atmosphere and a state of mind. It's great to relish it for a while, but as a steady diet romance is dangerously under-nourishing. Ideally, romance will be woven through a loving relationship, and reviving it now and then is an excellent way to express affection (爱,感情) and commitment (承诺,许诺). But if you insist that your relationship be in a constant state of romance, you're asking the impossible. Not only that, but the pressure of your demands may end up destroying your chances for success as a truly loving couple. 浪漫可以是一种危险的诱惑。一轮满月，柔和的烛光--氛围完美无缺。加上一位迷人的伴侣和一些轻柔的背景音乐，又有谁能抵挡住“情意绵绵”的感觉呢？但这毕竟是杂志广告上描述的爱。如果你找到一位能提供这样一种环境并邀请你进入的伴侣，很自然就会想到爱。浪漫既是一种氛围也是一种心态。享受一段时间的烂漫固然美妙，但作为家常便饭，浪漫便会有导致营养不良的危险。理想的做法是，将浪漫编织在充满爱的关系之中，而不时地

唤醒它则是一种表达爱意和承诺的极佳方式。但如果你坚持要让你们的关系处于一种永恒不变的浪漫的状态，那你就是在企求不可能的事。不仅如此，而且你的要求所带来的压力可能最终会破坏你们成为一对真正相亲相爱的夫妇的可能性。 This doesn't mean that we should automatically be suspicious of romantic behavior or keep our own romantic feelings under lock and key. It's natural to expect, and to express, some degree of romance in a new relationship. That's part of what makes a relationship fun and exciting –but only if both partners understand the role that romance is playing. In true love, the purpose of romance is not to deceive (欺骗,蒙骗), but to express real affection and enrich an ongoing relationship. It's sincere. It pleases both partners and renews their commitment to each other. It gives them a brief break from the daily grind, an opportunity to focus on each other and the relationship in a positive way. Once you've determined that you and your partner both are prepared to accept true love, you need to make sure the ties are there to hold the two of you together as a couple. These strengths will form the basis for your love, supporting your relationship through the challenges to come. They fall into the following eight general categories (种类, 类别): 这并不意味着我们应该不经思索就对浪漫的行为表示怀疑或者把我们的浪漫情怀锁藏起来。

人们自然会在一种新的关系中期待并表达某种程度的浪漫。这正是使一种关系情趣盎然，激动人心的部分原因--但双方一定都要懂得浪漫所扮演的角色才行。在真正的爱中，浪漫的目的不是欺骗，而是要表达真正的感情并充实一种不断发展的关系。它是真诚的。它使双方都感到愉快，使彼此间的承诺得到加强。它使他们得已暂时忘却单调的日常琐事，有机会以一种积极的态度关注对方和这份关系。你一旦认定你和你的伴侣都准备接受真正的爱，你就需要确保有那种将你们作为情侣联结在一起的纽带。这些力量将构成你们爱的基础，在未来的挑战中支撑着你们的关系。它们分为以下八大类： 1. Physical attraction. The attraction need not be electric. With many loving couples, it builds gradually and gently, sometimes taking years to ripen. All that's really required in the beginning is some attraction, mutual openness, affection, and desire for intimacy (亲密). 2. Shared goals, interests, and belief systems. Couples with similar religious, cultural and political beliefs tend to be more united than those with differing backgrounds, but differences can be overcome if there's a solid foundation of shared goals and interests. 1．身体的魅力。这种魅力不必让人有触电般的感觉。对许多相爱的情侣来说，它是逐渐而缓慢地建立起来的，有时需要几年才能成熟。最初所真正需要的只是某种吸引力，相互间的坦诚，柔情和对亲昵言行的渴望。 2．共同的目标、兴趣和信仰体系。有相同的宗教、文化和政治

信仰的情侣往往比那些背景不同的情侣更和睦，但如果有共同的目标和兴趣作为坚实的基础，差异是可以克服的。 3. Mutual (相互的) respect, acceptance, and the desire to please each other. In relationships based on false love, these attitudes often flow from one partner only. In true love, there must be balance, and both partners must accept the responsibility of living up to each other's expectations. 4. Mutual honesty and trust. Dishonesty has no place in true love; it can only lead to mistrust and division. From the very start, you and your partner must be truthful, both with yourselves and with each other. 5. Realistic expectations for each other and the relationship. Your expectations should be based both on the requirements for true love and on your individual personalities and needs. Discuss them openly, recognizing that some are nonnegotiable (无法协商的) while others need to remain flexible. 3．相互间的尊重、认可和取悦对方的欲望。在以虚假的爱为基础的关系中，这些情感通常只从一方流露出来。在真正的爱中，必须有平衡，双方都必须承担不辜负对方期望的责任。 4．相互间的真诚与信赖。真爱容不得虚假；谎言只能导致不信任和分歧。从一开始，你和你的伴侣就必须对你们自己和对方诚实。 5．对对方和这份关系的切合实际的期望。你们的期望既应该以真爱的要求为基础，也应以各自的性格和需求为基础。坦率地讨论你们的期望，要承认有些期望是没有协商余地

的而其它期望则需要变通性。 6. A balance of dependence and independence. True love requires a connection, but not the submersion of two individuals. Mature lovers don't melt completely into each other, as obsessive couples do, nor do they remain disconnected. Rather, they interlock (结合), so that parts of their lives become shared. In diagram form, the three possibilities look like this: Obsessive couple Disconnected couple Loving couple To succeed in love, you and your partner must be able to rely on each other for comfort and support without expecting all your needs to be met within the relationship. Part of your life must remain separate. You need some friends, activities, and interests that your partner does not share. In addition to the personal benefits you get from these outside sources, they provide ideas, energy, and information that keep the relationship open and developing. 6．依赖与独立的平衡。真爱需要一种沟通，但并不是两个个体的湮没。成熟的爱人不会象沉溺于爱中的恋人那样全部融入对方，他们也不会毫无交流。相反，他们结合在一起，从而共享他们生活的几部分。以图表形式表示，这三种可能性看上去是这样的：沉湎于爱中的情侣疏远的情侣相爱的情侣要在爱情上成功，你和你的伴侣必须学会相互依靠以寻求舒适和支持，而又不指望在这种关系中满足你所有的需求。你生活的一部分必须保持独立。你需要一些和你的伴侣并不

共有的朋友、活动和兴趣。这些外部来源不仅使你个人受益，还能提供使这种关系保持开放和发展的思想、能量和信息。7. A cooperative approach to problems. Conflict and struggle are necessary to life and therefore also to love. You and your partner must accept this fact from the start and figure out how to deal with problems when they arise. The process of working through difficulties should help you understand each other and bring you closer together. 8. A shared life. True love does not occur without effort and it does not develop overnight. For most of us, it takes years to reach fulfillment. Through the routine of daily life, you and your partner come to know each other's deepest hopes, fears and feelings, and discover and become part of each other's inner rhythms. 7．解决问题的合作态度。生活需要冲突和斗争，因此爱也是如此。你和你的情侣必须从一开始就接受这一事实，并想好出现问题时处理的办法。渡过难关的过程应有助于你们相互了解，使你们关系更加密切。 8．共同的生活。真爱需要经过努力才能获得，并不是在一夜之间就能产生的。对我们大多数人来说需要几年实现真爱的时间。你和你的伴侣通过日常生活的常规，可以逐步了解对方内心最深处的希望、恐惧和感情，发现对方的内心节奏，并成为它的一部分。

Romance is a beautiful word,sounds warm.I believe everyone expects a romantic love.But what is romance ?some people think

that if you are rich ,you can use money to make romance.No money,no good eating,no good playing,no romance.that is not true.Romance is a kind of feeling ,not a kind of behavior.just a word, a kiss, a smile can be a kind of romance.Remember that romance is just your wonderful feeling and cannot be made on purpose.

we are real people who live in the reality. Many things cannot be changed and we have to accept it.you cannot be a superstar ,then be yourself, a normal person.Dreams cannot make you a millionare.There are many things that cannot meet you.Marrige is not always a bed of roses.

i choose a life in the reality,actually,everyone does.No one can escape.But ,in the reality i can find my romance.I can feel it if i wish.Romance is not the most important.love is romance itself..