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自考综合英语2-07

自考综合英语2-07
自考综合英语2-07

Lesson Seven Some Meanings of Authentic Love

Gerald Correy & Marianne Schneider Correy

爱是文艺作品永恒的主题,是人们永远关心的话题。爱是何物? 它为什么受到古今中外文人雅士的歌颂,男女老少锲而不舍的追求,哲学家潜心的探索? 为什么人人都渴望真爱,却又都抱怨说真爱难觅? 追求爱的人们未必懂得真爱的含义。爱究竟包含那些内容? 这里两位作者提出的见解可能会帮助我们澄清一些模糊的对爱的概念。

1 So far, we've discussed mostly what we think love is not. Now we'd like to share some of the positive meanings love has for us.

2 Love means that I know the person I love. I'm aware of the many sides of the other person —not just the beautiful side but also the limitations, inconsistencies and flaws. I have an awareness of the other's feelings and thoughts, and I experience something of the core of that person. I can penetrate social masks and roles and see the other person on a deeper level.

3 Love means that I care about the welfare of the person I love. To the extent that it is genuine, my caring is not a smothering of the person or a possessive clinging. On the contrary, my caring liberates both of us. If I care about you, I'm concerned about your growth, and I hope you will become all that you can become. Consequently, I don't put up roadblocks to what you do that enhances you as a person, even though it may result in my discomfort at times.

4 Love means having respect for the dignity of the person I love. If I love you, I can see you as a separate person, with your own values and thoughts and feelings, and I do not insist that you surrender your identity and conform to an image of what I expect you to be for me. I can allow and encourage you to stand alone and to be who you are, and I avoid treating you as an object or using you primarily to gratify my own needs.

5 Love means having a responsibility toward the person I love. If I love you, I'm responsive to most of your major needs as a person. This responsibility does not entail my doing for you what you are capable of doing for yourself; nor does it mean that I run your life for you. It does imply acknowledging that what I am and what I do affects you, so that I am directly involved in your happiness and your misery. A lover does have the capacity to hurt or neglect the loved one, and in this sense I see that love entails an acceptance of some responsibility for the impact my way of being has on you.

6 Love means growth for both myself and the person I love. If I love you, I am growing as a result of my love. You are a stimulant for me to become more fully what I might become, and my loving enhances your being as well. We each grow as a result of caring and being cared for; we each share in an enriching experience that does not detract from our being.

7 Love means making a commitment to the person I love. This commitment does not entail surrendering our total selves to each other; nor does it imply that the relationship is necessarily permanent. It does entail a willingness to stay with each other in times of pain, uncertainty, struggle, and despair, as well as in times of calm and enjoyment.

8 Love means trusting the person I love. If I love you, I trust that you will accept my caring and my love and that you won't deliberately hurt me. I trust that you will find me lovable and that you won't abandon me; I trust the reciprocal nature of our love. If we trust each other, we are willing to be open to each other and can shed masks and pretenses and reveal our true selves.

9 Love can tolerate imperfection. In a love relationship there are times of boredom, there are times when I may feel like giving up, times of real strain, and times I experience an impasse. Authentic love does not imply enduring happiness. I can stay during rough times, however,

because I can remember what we had together in the past, and I can picture what we will have together in our future if we care enough to face our problems and work them through. We agree with Reverend Maier when he writes that love is a spirit that changes life. Love is a way of life that is creative and that transforms. However, Maier does not view love as being reserved for a perfect world. " Love is meant for our imperfect world where things go wrong. Love is meant to be a spirit that works in painful situations. Love is meant to bring meaning into life where nonsense appears to reign. " In other words, love comes into an imperfect world to make it livable.

10 Love is freeing. Love is freely given, not doled out on demand. At the same time, my love for you is not dependent on whether you fulfill my expectations of you. Authentic love does not imply " I'll love you when you become perfect or when you become what I expect you to become. " Authentic love is not given with strings attached. There is an unconditional quality about love.

11 Love is expansive. If I love you, I encourage you to reach out and develop other relationships. Although our love for each other and our commitment to each other might bar certain actions on our parts, we are not totally and exclusively wedded to each other. It is a pseudolove that cements one person to another in such a way that he or she is not given room to grow. Casey and Vanceburg put this notion well:

12 The honest evidence of our love is our commitment to encouraging another's full development. We are interdependent personalities who need one another's presence in order to fulfill our destiny. And yet, we are also separate individuals. We must come to terms with our struggles alone.

13 Love means having a want for the person I love without having a need for that person in order to be complete. If I am nothing without you, then I'm not really free to love you. I love you and you leave, I'll experience a loss and be sad and lonely, but I'll still be able to survive. If I am overly dependent on you for my meaning and my survival, then I am not free to challenge our relationship; nor am I free to challenge and confront you. Because of my fear of losing you, I'll settle for less than I want, and this settling will surely lead to feelings of resentment.

14 Love means identifying with the person I love. If I love you, I can empathize with you and see the world through your eyes. I can identify with you because I'm able to see myself in you and you in me. This closeness does not imply a continual " togetherness, " for distance and separation are sometimes essential in a loving relationship. Distance can intensify a loving bond, and it can help us rediscover ourselves, so that we are able to meet each other in a new way.

15 Love is selfish. I can only love you if I genuinely love, value, appreciate, and respect myself. If I am empty, then all I can give you is my emptiness. If I feel that I'm complete and worthwhile in myself, then I'm able to give to you out of my fullness. One of the best ways for me to give you love is by fully enjoying myself with you.

16 Love involves seeing the potential within the person we love. In my love for another, I view her or him as the person she or he can become, while still accepting who and what the person is now. Goethe's observation is relevant here: by taking people as they are, we make them worse, but by treating them as if they already were what they ought to be, we help make them better.

17 We conclude this discussion of the meanings that authentic love has for us by sharing a thought from Fromm's The Art of Loving (1956). His description of mature love sums up the essential characteristics of authentic love quite well:

18 Mature love is union under the condition of preserving one's integrity, one's individuality. In love this paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.

7 真爱的涵义

以上我们主要讨论了我们认为是与爱背道而驰的那些事。现在我们想说说对我们来说是爱的一些积极意义。

爱意味着我了解我所爱的人,我知道那个人的方方面面——不仅仅是美好的一面,而且也包括他的能力所限,言行不一和其他缺点。我晓得那个人的思想和情感,我体验到那个人身上某种本质的东西。我能透过对方在社交场合的表现和在社会上所担当的角色,看到他更内在的东西。

爱意味着我关心我所爱的人的幸福。只要我的关心是真诚的,我的关心对我所爱的人就不会是一种压制,也不会是一种占有性的依附。相反,我的关心使我们两人都获得解放。如果我关心你,我就会关注你的成长,并希望你会成为你能成为的样子。因此,对你为完善自己人格所做的一切,我决不设置障碍,即使你做的事情有时会让我不舒服。

爱意味着尊重我所爱的人的人格尊严。如果我爱你,我就会把你看成是一个独立的人,有你自己的价值观,有你自己的思想和情感,我不会要你放弃你的特性,而为了我,把自己塑造成我期望你成为的那种人。我能够允许并鼓励你独立自主,保持你的特性,这样我就不会把你当作一件东西来对待,不会让你主要来满足我自己的需要。

爱意味着对我所爱的人有一种责任感。如果我爱你,我就会对你作为人的大多数的主要需求有反应。这个责任不等于我替你做你自己能够做的事情,也不意味着我管理你的生活。但是它确实意味着承认我的为人和我的所作所为对你有影响,因此我直接与你的幸福和痛苦有牵连。一个爱别人的人确实有可能会伤害或忽视所爱之人,从这个意义上说,爱包含着我要对我的生活方式对你的影响承担一定的责任。

爱意味着我自己和我所爱的人的共同成长。如果我爱你,我也会因为爱你而发展,你激励我成为更加充实的人,我对你的爱也会提高你的素质。我们俩都因彼此相爱而成长,我们的这种关系使双方都感到更加充实,又丝毫不削弱我们自己的特性。

爱意味着对我所爱的人作出一种承诺。这种承诺并不需要我们相互放弃自身的特性,也不表示我们的这种关系一定是永久的关系。这种承诺既包含愿意在痛苦时刻,在犹豫时刻,在斗争时刻和绝望时刻相互支持,也包含共享平静和欢乐的时刻。

爱意味着信任我所爱的人。如果我爱你,我相信你会接受我的关心和爱恋,而不会故意伤害我。我相信你会发现我很可爱而不会抛弃我;我相信我们之间的爱将惠及双方。如果我们相互信任,我们就愿意相互敞开我们的心扉,我们就能够去掉假面具,去掉伪装,显示我们的真面貌。

爱呆以容忍不完美。在爱的关系中,必然有厌烦的时候,有我想放弃的时候,有十分紧张的时候,有我感到没有出路的时候。真正的爱并不意味着永远快乐。我之所以能够在困难时期和你在一起,是因为我记得我们过去共同度过的时光,是因为我能想像,如果我们对问题予以足够的重视,因而能够面对问题并能度过这个时期,我们将来在一起的日子会是什么样子。梅尔教授在他的著作中说,爱是一种改变生活的精神力量,我们同意他的观点。爱是一种创造性的生活方式,并使其得以改善。不过,梅尔并不把爱看成是完美社会的专利。“爱是专门赐予我们这个有问题、不完善的世界的。爱注定就是在痛苦的环境下发挥精神威力的。爱就是要使看起来无意义的生活变得有意义。”换句话说,爱来到这个不完美的世界,使它可以适合人们居住。

爱是自由的行为,爱是自愿地付出,而不是在需求之下的施舍。同时,我对你的爱不限决于你是否满足我对你的期望。真正的爱并不意味着“你成为一个完美的人,或是你成为我期望你成为的那种人时,我才爱你。”真爱的付出是不带条件的,爱的特性之一就是无条件。

爱是广阔的。如果我爱你,我就鼓励你向外发展,建立其他的人际关系。尽管我们之间的爱以入我们相互承担的责任不允许我们做某些事情,但我们并不是完全彻底地拴在一起。

把一个人和另一个人捆绑在一起,而不给他发展的空间,这是一种虚假的爱。凯斯和温斯伯格把这个概念讲得很好。

我们相互承诺要鼓励对方充分地发展,这就真实地证明了我们之间的爱。我们是相互依存的,为了完成自己的使命,需要对方的存在。但我们又是不同的个体,我们必须各自面对自己的奋斗。

爱意味着对于我所爱的人,我需要有他,而不是缺了他就不行。如果没有你我就不能生存,那我根本就不能无拘无束地去爱你。我爱你,你离开了,我有失落感,我难过,我感到孤独,但我还能支撑下去。如果我的价值和我的生存过于依赖于你,那我就没有审视我们之间关系的自由,我就没有反驳你的自由,我也没有与你当面进行争辩的自由。由于我怕失去你,我就只好降低要求,而这种委曲求全肯定会引起我的不满情绪。

爱就是要感到能够理解自己所爱的人。如果我爱你,我就能与你有同样的情感,我就能通过你的眼睛去看世界。我能够理解你,是因为我在你身上看到了我自己,在我身上也看到了你。这种亲密的关系并不是说要持续地“在一起,”因为距离和分别对于相爱来说是有时必要的。距离可以增强爱的联系,距离还有助于重新发现自己,这样我们就能够以新的方式面对对方。

爱中充满了自我。我只有能真正地爱自己,珍视自己,欣赏自己,尊重自己,我才能爱你。如果我空虚,那么我能给你的只有空虚。如果我感到我自己是完整的、有价值的人,那么我就能够让你分享我的充实。给予你我对你的爱,最好的一个方式就是和你一起充分享受我的一切。

爱还包含能够看到我所爱的人的潜力。我爱那个人,我一方面承认他的现状,另一方面我现在就视他为他将来能够成为的那种人。歌德有一句与此有关的评论:我们如果按照人们的现状来对待他们,我们就只能使他们越来越差,要是按照他们应该达到的目标来对待和要求他们,我们就会促使他们变得更好。

我们把弗罗姆在《爱的艺术》里阐述的一个观点介绍给大家,以此事结束我们对真爱含义的论述。他对成熟的爱的归纳极好地总结了真爱的基本特征:

成熟的爱是两个人的结合,但又不失各自的完整和特性。爱中有这种矛盾的现象:合二为一,却又一分为二。

往年考过的真题

I.Paraphrase

1. I can penetrate social masks and roles and see the other person on a deeper level. [0410:47] (2-7:221)

A. I can see the true colors of the person however nice he claims to be in society.

B. I know what the other person is deep down no matter how he presents himself.

C. I see through the other person no matter what he appears to be in public.

D. I can see the other person beyond his status and image.

2.I can penetrate social masks and roles and see the other person [my romantic partner] on a deeper level.[0610:48] (2-7:221)

A.In spite of his indifference, I can see his love deep down.

B.At a glance, I recognise him even though he wears a facemask.

C.I know what he is at heart beyond his public image and his status.

D.Whether he turns out to be a millionaire or a beggar , I know what he is.

3. If I care about you, I’m concerned about your growth, and I hope you will become all that you

can become. [1201:37] (2-7:221-2)

A. ... you will become what you want to be.

B. ... you will eventually become a gifted person.

C. ... you will develop all your abilities to the full.

D. ... you will be capable of doing all sorts of jobs.

4. If I care about you, I’m concern ed about your growth, and I hope you will become all that you

can become. [0410:49] (2-7:221-2)

A. … you will become what you want to be.

B. … you will eventually become a gifted person.

C. … you will develop all your abilities to the full.

D. … you will be capable of doing all sorts of jobs.

5. If I love you, I can see you as a separate person, with your own values and thoughts and

feelings, and I do not insist that you surrender your identity and conform to an image of what

I expect you to be for me. [1004:37] (2-7:222)

A. ... I don’t want you to lose hope and then blame me for it.

B. ... I won’t force you to be independent and you can rely on me.

C. ... I don’t expect you to follow my step and become similar to me.

D ... I won’t push you to lose yourself and become what I like you to be.

6. ____ nor does it [love] mean that I run your life for you. [0604:47] (2-7:222)

A I help you plan your life.

B I help you manage your life.

C I decide what you do and don't.

D I make you a slave for my sake.

7. You are a stimulant for me to become more fully what I might become, and my loving enhances your being as well. [0910:38] (2-7:222)

A. your nature makes me love you more.

B. my love for you can cure your disease.

C. I have to love you more so that you can grow fully.

D. you will also become a better person because I love you.

8. I trust the reciprocal nature of our love. [0710:48] (2-7:223)

A. I am confident that both sides benefit from love.

B. I think both sides have to make sacrifices for love.

C. I am sure love is blind and one-sided.

D. I believe that our love is mutual.

9.In other words, love comes into an imperfect world to make it livable. [0510:46] (2-7:223) A.…love makes an imperfect world good enough to live in.

B.…love is extremely important where things are not perfect.

C.…love means more in an imperfect world than in a perfect one.

D.…love is so powerful that it can make an imperfect world desirable.

10. Love is freeing. Love is freely given, not doled out on demand. [0704:49] (2-7:223)

A. Love is liberating.

B. Love is willingly given.

C. Love means choosing the person you marry.

D. Love means that both sides are independent.

11. Love is freely given, not doled out on demand. [1107:40](2-7:223)

A. If you love somebody, please give money or food to more than one person.

B. Love is given of one’s own free will, not provided for anyone who ask s for it.

C. Love is free of charge, and it is given to those who ask for it.

D. Love is not easily given and it must be bought with money.

12. And yet, we are also separate individuals. We must come to terms with our struggles alone. [0410:48] (2-7:224)

A. We get nowhere relying on others to solve our problems.

B. We make our own decisions and won’t allow others to interfere.

C. We ought to know that we are the masters of our own future.

D. We must accept and deal with our difficult tasks by ourselves.

II.Writing

2011年1月: some meanings of genuine love (2-7)

Topic: “Love means I care about the welfare of the person I love.”

III.Translation

课后练习答案

3. Paraphrase

1.I can see the other person beyond his status and image.

2. I won’t push you to lose yourself and become what I like you to be.

3. … we each become involved in an enriching experience that does not make our being seem

less good.

4. Love should bring meaning into life which seems to be meaningless.

5. True love should be given unconditionally.

词汇练习

1.(p.248)

1) irrelevant; 2) irrationally 3) irregularity 4) irreversible

2. Translate the following into English.

1)

透过表象penetrate masks

窒息某人smother sb.

满足需要gratify one’s needs

设立路障put up roadblocks

放弃个性surrender one’s identity

丰富经验rich experience

去掉面具shed masks

去掉伪装shed pretenses

暴露真我reveal on e’s true self

面对问题be faced with problems

解决问题work through the problems

发展关系develop relations

实现期望fulfill one’s expectation

完成使命fulfill one’s destiny

增进爱情intensify a love bond

做出承诺make promises

保持人格完整preserver one’s integrity

2) Use the “useful expression”.

(1) 我认为朋友之间应该能够理解彼此的思想、感情和问题。I think friends should identify

with one another’s thoughts, feelings and problems.

(2) 那件事发生之后,他们当中没有人还想再睡觉。After the incidents, none of them felt like

sleeping again.

(3) 由于要养活五口人,那位失业的高级工程师只得就着在一家煤气站工作。In order to

support a family of five members, the unemployed senior engineer had to settle for working in a gasworks.

(4) 凡是关心自己星球未来的人,都应分担保护环境的责任。Whoever cares about the future

of our satellite should share in the responsibility of protecting our environment.

(5) 我们永远不会接受附带有政治条件的外援。We will never accept foreign support with

political conditions attached.

(6) 他在那个委员会里任主席达20年之久后,难以接受退休的现实。After being the

chairman of the committee for 20 years, he could not come to terms with his retirement. (7) 杨教授用一句话总结了自己40年的教学经验:一个好教师就是要想方设法使自己成

为学生不需要的人。Professor Yang summed up his 40-year teaching experience with one sentence: a good teacher is one who tries his best to become a person the students do not need.

(8) 他以往卷入的那件丑闻已使他的光辉业绩大为逊色。The scandal he was involved in

before detracted him from his great achievements.

3)Use settle, suggest and fit.

(1) 在会上不关心环境保护的那些公司受到了严厉的批评。Those companies that did not

care about environmental protection received severe criticism at the meeting.

(2) 那所学校从银行得到一笔50万元的无息贷款来更新语言实验室。That school received

an interest-free loan of 500000 from the bank to improve its language lab.

(3) 这是改善教师居住条件的专款,不得挪用。The fund is meant for improving the teacher’s

living condition. It should not be used for other purposes.

(4) 那位青年把全部业余时间都用来在网上漫游。That young man spent all his free time in

surfing on the Internet.

(5) 这家旅店的客人都可享受免费的早餐。All the guests in this hotel are entitled to a free

breakfast.

(6) 每当我们想放弃的时候,一两句鼓励的话对我们来说是非常重要的。Every time we feel

like giving up, one or two encouraging words mean much to us.

(7) 我不在乎你将来干什么,但我很关心你将来会成为一个什么样的人。I don’t care about

what you will do in the future, but I care about what you will be.

(8) 我们打算春节前去看望福利院里的老人,你愿意和我们一起去吗?We mean to visit the

old people in the home for the aged before Spring Festival. Would you care to go with us?

(9) 阅读时你可以根据上下文来猜测生词的意思。While reading, you can guess the meanings

of the new words according to the context.

(10) 听说那家化工厂要迁出本市我们都很高兴,因为对此地的老百姓来说这意味着他们

将有干净的空气。We are very glad to hear that the chemical factory will be moved out of our city, because it means that the inhabitants here will have clean air.

3. Complete the following sentences:

1) (1) on (2) about (3) /(for) (4) to (5) in

(6) on (7) to; through (8) with (9) for / of (10) for

2) (1) mean; imply (2) confirm; approve (3) authentic; true

(4) neglect / overlook; neglecting (5) responsive to; responsible for

●mean: If you want to know what a word, code, signal, or gesture means, you want to

know what it refers to or what its message is. 意思是…

●imply: If an event or situation implies that something is the case, it makes you think that

it is the case. 意味着

●approve: If someone in a position of authority approves a plan or idea, they formally

agree to it and say that it can happen. 批准

●confirm: If you confirm something that has been stated or suggested, you say that it is

true because you know about it. 证实(陈述或建议的事物)

●authentic: An authentic person, object, or emotion is genuine. 真实的

●true: If something is true, it is based on facts rather than being invented or imagined, and

is accurate and reliable. 真实的

●neglect: If you neglect someone or something, you fail to give them the amount of

attention that they deserve. 忽视

●overlook: If you overlook a fact or problem, you do not notice it, or do not realize how

important it is. 忽视

●responsible for: If someone or something is responsible for a particular event or situation,

they are the cause of it or they can be blamed for it. 负有责任的

●responsive to: If someone or something is responsive, they react quickly and favorably.

迅速积极反应的

4.Choose the best word for each blank.

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6) necessarily 7) less 8) however 9) individual 10) ideas

11) single 12) adjusts 13) reads 14) Even 15) required

Grammar Ex.

4.

1) both … and 2) once 3) provided 4) but 5) While

6) though 7) before 8) but otherwise 9) therefore 10) Now that

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