202 The One With the Breast Milk

202 The One With the Breast Milk


[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
MONICA: (entering from her bedroom carrying a present) Ok, these were unbelievably expensive, and I know he's gonna grow out of them in like, 20 minutes, but I couldn't resist. (There a little pair of Nike shoes.)
PHOEBE: Oh, look at these! Hey, Ben. Just do it. (Ben starts to cry) Oh my god, oh, ok, was that too much pressure for him?
SUSAN: Oh, is he hungry already?
CAROL: I guess so. (Carol starts to breast feed Ben.)
CHANDLER: You know, it's... (sees the feeding taking place next to him) something funny about sneakers. I'll be right back. (Goes into the kitchen)
JOEY: (joins him) I gotta get one, too.
ROSS: (following them into the kitchen) What are you guys doing?
CHANDLER: We're just hanging out by the spoons. Ladle?
ROSS: Look, would you guys grow up? That is the most natural beautiful thing in the world.
JOEY: Yeah, we know, but there's a baby suckin' on it.
ROSS: This is my son having lunch, ok? It's gonna happen a lot, so you'd better get used to it. Now if you have any problem with it, if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it, now come on.
(They go back into the living room)
CHANDLER: Carol, Carol? I was just wondering if Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?
CAROL: Sure.
JOEY: Uh, does it hurt?
CAROL: It did at first, but not anymore.
JOEY: Chandler?
CHANDLER: So, uh, how often can you do it?
CAROL: As much as he needs.
JOEY: Ok, I got one, I got one. If he blows into one, does the other one get bigger?
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is all there.]
JULIE: Rachel, do you have any muffins left?
RACHEL: Yeah, I forget which ones.
JULIE: Oh, you're busy, that's ok, I'll get it. Anybody else want one?
ALL: No thanks.
JULIE: Oh, you're losin' your apron here, let me get it. There you go. (Ties it back up for her)
RACHEL: (to Julie) Thank you. (under her breath to Chandler) What a bitch.
JULIE: Oh, listen you guys. I have this friend at Bloomingdales who's quitting tomorrow and he wants to abuse his discount. So, anyone want to come with me and take advantage of it?
PHOEBE: I can't, I have to take my grandmother to the vet.
MONICA: Ok, um, I'll go with you.
JULIE: Great.
ROSS: (enters) Hi, honey.
CHANDLER: Hey, sweetums.
ROSS: Hello to the rest.
ALL: Hi!
JOEY: Monica what're you doin'? You can't go shopping with her? What about Rachel?
MONICA: It's gonna be a problem, isn't it?
CHANDLER: Come on, you're going to Bloomingdales with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.
MONICA: But I'm--
PHOEBE: Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you like a dog in the street.
ROSS: So, uh, Jules tells me you guys are going shopping tomorrow?
MONICA: Yeah, uh, it's actually not that big a deal.
ROSS: It's a big deal to me. This is great, Monica. I really appreciate this.
MONICA: You're welcome.
PHOEBE: Woof, woof.

[Scene: A Department Store, Joey is selling men's cologne.]
JOEY: Bijan for men? Bijan for men? Bijan for men? Hey Annabelle.
ANNABELLE: Hey, Joey. So did you hear about the new guy?
JOEY: Who?
ANNABELLE: Nobody knows his name. Me and the girls just call him the Hombre man.
JOEY: What's he doin' in my section?
ANNABELLE: I guess he doesn't know.
JOEY: Well, he's gonna. I'll see you a little later, ok? Hey, how ya doin'?
TODD: Mornin'.
JOEY: Listen, I know you're new, but it's kinda understood that everything from Young Men's to the escalator is my territory.
TODD: Your territory, huh?
JOEY: Yeah. Bijan for men?
GUY: No thanks.
TODD: Hombre?
GUY: Yeah. All right.
TODD: You were saying?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Monica enters.]
MONICA: Phoebe, listen. You were with me, and we were shopping all day.
PHOEBE: What?
MONICA: We were shopping, and we had lunch.
PHOEBE: Oh, all right. What did I have?
MONICA: You had a salad.
PHOEBE: Oh, no wonder I don't feel full.
RACHEL: (entering) Hey, guys, what's up.
PHOEBE: I went shopping with Monica all day, and I had a salad.
RACHEL: Good, Pheebs. What'd you buy?
PHOEBE: Um, we went shopping for um, for, fur.
RACHEL: You went shopping for fur?
PHOEBE: Yes, and then I realized I'm against that, and uh, so then we bought some, (sees Monica pointing at her chest) uh, boobs.
RACHEL: You bought boobs?
PHOEBE: (Monica is yanking on her bra strap) Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.
[Scene: The Department Store, Joey is trying to sell some cologne.]
JOEY: Bijan for men? Hey, Annabelle, Uh, listen, I was wondering if maybe after work you and I could go maybe grab a cup of coffee.
ANNABELLE: Oh, actually I sorta have plans.
TODD: Ready, Annabelle?
ANNABELLE: You bet. Maybe some other time?
JOEY: Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a cowboy spraying cologne. Bijan for men?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol is dropping Ben off for Ross to watch.]
CAROL: Ok, and this is Funny Clown. Funny Clown is only for after his naps, not before his naps or he won't sleep.
ROSS: Carol, we've been through this before, ok? We have a good time. We laugh, we play. It's like we're father and son.
SUSAN: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
RACHEL: Oh, this is so cute.
SUSAN: Oh, I got that for him.
ROSS: My mommies love me. That's clever.
MONICA: Hello? Oh, Hi, Ju-- Hi, Jew! Uh huh? Uh huh? Ok. Um, sure, that'd be great. See ya then. Bye.
RACHEL: Did you just say Hi, Jew?
MONICA: Yes. Uh, yes, I did. That was my friend, Eddie Moskowitz. Yeah, he likes it. Reaffirms his faith.
PHOEBE: Ben, dinner!
ROSS: Thanks Aunt Pheebs. Hey, you didn't microwave that, did you, because it's breast milk, and you're not supposed to do that.
PHOEBE: Duh, I think I know how to heat breast milk. Ok.
CHANDLER: What did you just do?
PHOEBE: I licked my arm, what?
ROSS: It's breast milk.
PHOEBE: So?
RACHEL: Phoebe, that is juice, s

queezed from a person.
JOEY: What is the big deal?
CHANDLER: What did you just do?
ROSS: Ok, would people stop drinking the breast milk?
PHOEBE: You won't even taste it?
ROSS: No!
PHOEBE: Not even if you just pretend that it's milk?
ROSS: Not even if Carol's breast had a picture of a missing child on it.
MONICA: Hey, where is everybody?
RACHEL: They took Ben to the park. Where've you been?
MONICA: Just out. Had some lunch, just me, little quality time with me. Thanks for your jacket.
RACHEL: Oh, no problem. You can borrow it, by the way. Here are your keys, hon. Mon, if uh you were at lunch alone, how come it cost you uh 53 dollars?
MONICA: You know what probably happened? Someone musta stolen my credit card.
RACHEL: And sorta just put the receipt back in your pocket
MONICA: That is an excellent excellent question. That is excellent.
RACHEL: Monica, what is with you? Who'd you have lunch with?
MONICA: Judy.
RACHEL: Who?
MONICA: Julie.
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: Jody.
RACHEL: You were with Julie?
MONICA: Look, when it started I was just trying to be nice to her because she was my brother's girlfriend. And then, one thing led to another and, before I knew it, we were...shopping.
RACHEL: Oh. Oh my god.
MONICA: Honey, wait. We only did it once. It didn't mean anything to me.
RACHEL: Yeah, right.
MONICA: Really, Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole time. Look, I'm sorry, all right. I never meant for you to find out.
RACHEL: Oh, please, you wanted to get caught.
MONICA: That is not true!
RACHEL: Oh, so you just sort of happened to leave it in here?
MONICA: Did it ever occur to you that I might just be that stupid?
RACHEL: Ok, Monica. I just have to know one thing. Did you go with her to Bloomingdales? Oh! Ok, ok, ok, I just really, uh, I just really need to not be with you right now.
MONICA: Hi, who's this? Hi, Joanne. Is Rachel working? It's Monica. Yes, I know I did a horrible thing. Joanna, it's not as simple as all that, ok? No, I don't care what Steve thinks. Hi, Steve.
CAROL: How did we do?
PHOEBE: Oh, I tasted Ben's milk, and Ross freaked out.
ROSS: I did not freak out.
CAROL: Why'd you freak out?
ROSS: Because it's breast milk. It's gross.
CAROL: My breast milk is gross?
SUSAN: This should be fun.
ROSS: No, no, Carol. There's nothing wrong with it. I just don't think breast milk is for adults.
CHANDLER: Of course the packaging does appeal to grown-ups and kids alike.
CAROL: Ross, you're being silly. I've tried it, it's no big deal. Just taste it.
ROSS: That would be no.
PHOEBE: Come on. It doesn't taste bad.
JOEY: Yeah, it's kinda sweet, sorta like, uh--
SUSAN: Cantaloupe juice.
JOEY: Exactly.
ROSS: You've tasted it? You've tasted it.
SUSAN: Uh huh.
ROSS: Oh, you've tasted it.
SUSAN: You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true.
ROSS: Gimme the bottle. Gimme the towel.
CHANDLER: Howdy.
JOEY: Gimme a box a juice. Well, they switched me over to Hombre.
CHANDLER: Well, maybe it's becau

se of the way you're dressed.
JOEY: Or maybe it's because this guy's doing so good they wanna put more people on it. You should see this guy, Chandler, he goes through two bottles a day.
CHANDLER: What do you care? You're an actor. This is your day job. This isn't supposed to mean anything to you.
JOEY: I know, but, I was the best, you know? I liked being the best. I don't know. Maybe I should just get outta the game. They need guys up in housewares to serve cheese.
CHANDLER: All right, say you do that. You know sooner or later somebody's gonna come along that slices a better cheddar. And then where're you gonna run?
JOEY: Yeah I guess you're right.
CHANDLER: You're damn right I'm right. I say you show this guy what you're made of. I say you stand your ground. I say you show him that you are the baddest hombre west of the lingerie.
JOEY: I'm gonna do it.
CHANDLER: All right. Now go see Miss Kitty and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.
MONICA: I don't know what else to say.
RACHEL: Well that works out good, because I'm not listening.
MONICA: I feel terrible, I really do.
RACHEL: Oh, I'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife?
MONICA: Rachel, say that I'm friends with her, we spend some time together. Is that so terrible?
RACHEL: Yes.
MONICA: It's that terrible?
RACHEL: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with, but now, she's actually, but now she's actually stealing you.
MONICA: Me? What are you talking about? Nobody could steal me from you. I mean, just because I'm friends with her doesn't make me any less friends with you. I mean, you're my...We're, we're...Oh, I love you.
RACHEL: I love you too.
PHOEBE: You guys, um I know that this really doesn't have anything to do with me, but um I love you guys too. Oh, I really needed that.
MONICA: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts, but she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she was just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her. Would you just give that a chance, for me?
RACHEL: I'd do anything for you, you know that.
MONICA: I'd do anything for you.
PHOEBE: Wait, wait, wait, wait!
JOEY: Mornin'. I said, mornin'.
TODD: I heard ya.
STORE GUY: All right, everybody, I'm openin' the doors. You boys ready?
TODD: Ready.
JOEY: Yeah, I'm ready.
CUSTOMER: You idiot, you stupid cowboy, you blinded me, I'm suing!
STORE GUY: Oh my god, Todd! What the hell did you do?
TODD: I'm sorry. I am such a doofus. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
ANNABELLE: My god, what happened?
JOEY: These new kids, they never last. Sooner or later, they all...stop lastin'. Listen, uh, what do you say I buy you that cup of coffee now?
ANNABELLE: Sure.
JULIE: So.
RACHEL: So. I just thought the two of us should hang out for a bit. I mean, you know, we've never really talked. I guess you'd know that, being on

e of the two of us, though, right?
JULIE: I know, I probably shouldn't even tell you this, but I'm pretty much totally intimidated by you.
RACHEL: Really? Me?
JULIE: Yes. Oh my god, are you kidding? Ross is so crazy about you, and I really wanted you to like me, and, it's probably me being totally paranoid, but I kinda got the feeling that maybe you don't.
RACHEL: Well, you're not totally paranoid.
JULIE: Oy.
RACHEL: Um, ok, uh, oh god, um, when you and uh Ross first started going out, it was really hard for me, um, for many reasons, which I'm not gonna bore you with now, but um, I just, I see how happy he is, you know, and how good you guys are together, and um, Monica's always saying how nice you are, and god I hate it when she's right.
JULIE: Thanks. Hey, listen, would you like to go to a movie sometime or something?
RACHEL: Yeah, that'd be great. I'd love it.
JULIE: I'd love it too. Shoot, I gotta go. So, I'll talk to you later.
RACHEL: All right, Julie. What a manipulative bitch.
END


202 母乳


这些非常昂贵我知道他很快就穿不下...
但是我就是无法抗拒
看看这些
嗨，班
做了就对!
是不是对他压力太大?
他已经饿了吗?我想是的
他已经饿了吗?我想是的
球鞋真的很有趣我马上就回来!
我也要一个
你们在干什么?
我们只是来看看汤匙
要调羹吗?
你们成熟一点好吗?
这是世上最自然美丽的
我们知道担心在有个婴儿在吸它
这是我儿子在吃午餐你们最好习惯
如果你们感到不自在发问就好
卡萝不介意的
卡萝?
我想问问乔伊能不能提出关于哺乳的问题?
当然可以
会不会痛?
刚开始会，现在不会了
钱德?
你能多久喂一次?
只要他需要就可以
我想到了一个问题
如果他对一个吹气另一个会不会变大?
还有松糕吗?还有，我忘记是哪一种
你太忙了，我来拿
你的围裙松了，我帮你系好
了谢好谢
真是个恶婆娘!
我有朋友在布明岱尔百货上班明天就不干了
他想要花掉他的折扣优待
谁想跟我去捡便宜?
我不行我要带我祖母去看兽医
我跟你去
我跟你去
哈罗，各位
你不能跟她去逛百货瑞秋怎么办?
会有问题，对不对?
你要跟芙莉去布明岱尔
就像是到瑞秋家中偷汉子
她会宰了你
她会宰了你就像宰街上的流浪狗
芙莉说你们明天要去逛街
其实没有什么...
对我很重要，非常重要
我非常感激你这么做
别客气
碧而泉男性香水?
听说过新来的人吗?
没人知道他的名字我们女生都叫他"原野奇侠"
原野奇侠?
他到我这一区干什么?
我想他不知道
他必须知道
待会见
你好吗?
你好吗?
听着，我知道你是新来的...
但众所周知这附近的一切
从年轻人部门到电梯...都是我的地盘
你的地盘?
碧而泉男性香水?不，谢了
原野奇侠?
原野奇侠?
你刚才说什么?
菲此

，听着，你跟我一起逛了整天街买东西
我们买东西，吃午餐
我吃了什么?
难怪我觉得饿
嗨，怎么样?
我整天都跟摩妮卡买东西吃了一客沙拉
很好，菲比你们买了什么?
买了皮毛
你去买皮毛?
然后我发现我反对买皮毛
于是我们买了一些...
波霸
你买了波霸?
胸罩!
我们买了胸罩
碧而泉男性香水?
碧而泉...
嗨，安娜贝
下班后我们可以喝个咖啡吗?
我已经有计昼了
准备好了吗，安娜贝?
好了
以后再约吧
我又不是没被啧香水的牛仔抢走女孩子过
碧而泉男性香水?
这是滑稽小丑
只有睡过午觉才可以给他玩否则他会睡不着
我带过他，我们玩得很高兴
我们又笑又玩就像父亲跟儿子一样
罗斯很会带他
别这么惊讶我是个很好的人
好可爱!
我为他买的
真聪明
真聪明
嗨，犹太人!
好的，可以
很好，待会见
你刚才是不是说：嗨，犹太人?
对，我是这么说
那是我的犹太朋友艾迪莫斯考维兹
他很喜欢这称呼能加强他的信仰
班，吃晚餐了
谢谢，菲此姑妈
你没有用微波炉吧?不应该这样处理母乳
我想我知道如何加热母乳
你在干什么?
我舔了我的手臂，怎么样?
那是母乳
又怎么样?
菲此那是从另一个人身上挤出的汁
有什么了不起?
你又在干什么?
大家能不能不要喝母乳?
你连尝都不尝?
不能假装那是牛奶吗?
就算卡萝的乳房贴了牛奶寻人广告都不行
大家到哪里去了?带班去公园了，你去哪里了?
出去
吃了午餐，只有我一个人与自己共度美好时光
你也可以向我借
这是你的钥匙
如果你一个人吃午餐怎么会要五十三块?
你知道大概发生什么事吗?
定有人偷了我的信用卡
然后把收据放回你口袋?
这是个非常好的问题
真的非常好
朱蒂，谁？
朱蒂，什么？
裘迪
你跟芙莉在一起?
刚开始我只是想对她友善点?，
因为她是我哥哥的女友
然后事情接着发生...
我还不清楚，我们就...
去瞎拼了
我的天
慢着，我们只做了一次
对我没有任何意义!
我一直想的是你
对不起，好吗?我不希望你知道的
拜托!你希望被逮到
才不是!
所以你不小心留收据在这里?
我会这么笨?
好，我必须知道一件事
你是不是跟她去布明岱尔?
我现在不能跟你在一起了
嗨，哪一位?
嗨，琼安，瑞秋在吗?我是摩妮卡
我知道我做了很糟糕的事
琼安，事情没这么简单
我才不在乎史提夫怎么想嗨，史提夫
情况如何?
我尝了班的奶水罗斯发癫了
我没有发癫
你为什么发癫?因为那是母乳
很呕心
我的奶水很呕心?
这会很好玩
这没什么不对
我只是不认为母乳是给大人喝的
当然母乳的容器很吸引大人与小孩
别傻了，我试过，没什么
口尝一尝
不行
很

自然
又不难吃
有一点甜，很像...
像什么?
哈密瓜汁
没错
你尝过了
喔，你尝过了
你可以一直说下去也不会变成假话
把奶瓶给我
把毛巾给我
吃饱没?
给我一罐果汁
他们把我调到原野奇侠了
也许是因为你的穿着
或因为那家伙表现太好了他们要增加人手
那家伙一天用掉两瓶
你在乎什么?
你是个演员这只是你的副业，没什么
我知道，但我本来是最棒的
我喜欢当最棒的
也许我应该退出江湖
厨具部门需要有人切乳酪
假如你这么做了
将来迟早有人会出现乳酪切得此你更好
那时候你要逃到哪里?
也许你说得对
我说你应该发挥大丈夫气概
让他知道你是内衣部西边最厉害的原野奇侠!
我要这么做
现在去找猫咪小姐她会介绍个好妓女给你
我不知道该说什么
很好，因为我不会听
我觉得很糟糕，真的
对不起我的背伤害了你的刀吗?
我跟她交朋友，一起去逛街这有什么不好?
真的很不好吗?是的，你还不懂吗?
她偷走我的男人已经够糟了...
我可能会跟他长相厮守
但现在
她竟然...
现在她竟然连你也抢走了!
你在说什么?
没人能把我从你那里抢走
我与她交朋友不会影响我与你的感情
你是我的...
喂，我知道这与我完全无关
但我也爱你们！
我很需要这样
我知道现在...
你很想恨死芙莉
但是她没有做错什么
她只是认识了一个男生现在他们在交往
我想如果你给她一个机会你会喜欢她的
你愿意给她一个机会吗?
为了我?
我愿意为你做任何事你知道的
我什么都愿意为你做
等一下!
我说：早
我听见了
我要开门了
你们准备好了吗?
好了
我也好了
我也好了
你弄瞎我了!我要告你们
天啊!陶德!你在搞什么鬼
对不起，我真是笨手笨脚!
对不起，非常对不起
老天，发生什么事?
这些菜乌，都撑不了很久
这些菜乌，都撑不了很久
...捅出纰漏
我们去喝杯咖啡怎么样?
我想我们应该亲近亲近
你知道的我们从来没有真正谈过话
我想你说得对因为你是我们两个之
我知道
我也许不该告诉你...
你在开玩笑吗?
罗斯还是对你很着迷...
我真的希望你喜欢我
也许我只是胡思乱想...
但我好像觉得你不喜欢我
你不是完全胡思乱想
当你与罗斯刚开始交往时?，
我真的很难过...
有太多理由，我不要烦你
但我看到他非常快乐，而且你们在一起是多么相配
摩妮卡一直说你有多好...
我真讨厌她说得对
谢谢
你想不想一起去看电影或出去玩?
这样很好，我很乐意
我也是
我必须要走了
真是个玩弄人的贱人!
真不赖