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Unit One Coping with the Compliment

Unit One Coping with the Compliment
Unit One Coping with the Compliment

Unit One

Coping with the Compliment

H. Allen Smith

I have never cultivated a mustache, though I’m sure one would enhance my distinguished looks and cause women to giggle as I passed along the boulevard. The reason is I can’t risk it, because even a little mustache is a dangerous thing. It invites compliments. If a lady came up to me, for example, and said, “You have the most charming mustache,”I wouldn’t know how to respond. I might be thrown into such a panic that I’d blurt out, ”I like yours, too.”

It is one of the paradoxes of social intercourse that a compliment is much harder to respond to than an insult. Here is an area of small talk where most of use act awkwardly. Someone utters a pleasing, praise remark in our direction and we grow inarticulate and our kneecaps begin to vibrate.

I can’t even accept with grace a compliment bestowed upon me for a thing that isn’t really mine. I live on a hill overlooking a wide valley. Visitors exclaim:”My! What a terrific view you have here!”There it lies out there, the whole valley. I didn’t do it. It doesn’t belong to me. Yet I respond with a sickly smile, “Oh, it isn’t much – just a lot of old real estate.”

The nearest I ever came to downright acceptance of this particular compliment was the time I said, “Well , we like it.” This is a response that should be used with caution. To say of a thing,”Well, we like it.” is to imply that a lot of other people think it disgusting. Not long ago I was in a group where a geophysicist form Australia was talking eloquently about the wonders of the universe. “This earth we live on,” he said, “this great, vibrant, spinning earth, is a collection of incredible marvels.”There was a long pause, and then, carried away by the vastness of his complimentary remark, a woman said, “Well, we like it.”

I think we make a mistake when we react to a compliment with denial and derogation. “What a stunning gown!” your friend says. ”Oh, this old rag!” you respond. The situation here is much the same as the one regarding my view. You have no right to feel ashamed or angry over praise directed at your gown – unless it happens that you stitched it up yourself. You would be better off if you’d just say something like, “I had to fist-fight another woman in Macy’s basement to get possession of it.” Or better yet, “My husband picked it out for me.”

I know a man who has put his mind to this problem and come up with a technique for brushing off praise. He employs a sort of unreasonable realism. One evening I overheard a woman say to him, “What powerful shoulders you have!” Without blinking an eye, he answered, “Three-fourths water. My body is three-fourths water, therefore my shoulders are three-fourths water and anything that’s three-fourths water couldn’t actually be very powerful.”The well-intentioned woman went away with a furrowed brow and whispering to herself. I don’t think this fellow is on the right track.

Many of us try to turn a compliment with a quip. “I’ve been hearing about you for years,”someone says glowingly.”Nothing good, I hope,” is the standard reply. This sort of thing, the witty reply, ought to be placed under government regulation. Maybe I’m appalled by it for the reason that I’m so inept at it myself. Recently I heard a young man tell a girl that she possessed the same ethereal beauty as Greta Garbo.” Flattery will get you everywhere,” she responded. That one, I thought , was more than passable. But for every genuinely clever retort there are a thousand that

fall flat. It takes a Dorothy Parker or a George S. Kaufman to handle the quip comeback with skill.

Artists and authors face a special problem. When a new automobile comes off the assembly line, the people response for it can call in outsiders, point to the product, swell out their chests and say, “Isn’t she a beauty?” not so a man who paints a picture or writes a book or composes a symphony. “That last sonnet of yours, Ploffer , ” says the poet’s friend ,” that was a jim-dandy job, and it rhymed good.” Ploffer, in his poetic heart, is in full agreement with this verdict but he can’t say so .”Oh, really now ,”he protests, ”you know very well that the cadence fell apart in the sestet.”

Being the author of a stack of books, I have on occasion been exposed to this situation. “That new book of yours,” someone may say,” I found it very entertaining.” It seems to me that I should be permitted to reply, ”Well, I’m glad somebody liked it –I worked like a dog to get it written.” Or, “I thought it was good, too.” But no. The unwritten code of authorhood compels me to say, in effect, “You must be a person of execrable literary judgement.”

In searching for a technique to cope with compliments, I have turned to children .The very young are of no help. Say to one of them,” My, what a fine little boy you are!” What does he do? He races around the room, rolls his eyes in an alarming way and rams his tongue out of the side of his mouth. I could do that sort of thing but I don’t think it would be accepted socially. Or try a compliment on a little girl. “What a pretty dress!” you exclaim. Instantly she pulls it up to point out that her petticoat is even prettier, and then she pulls the petticoat to show you that her panties even the prettiest of all. This sort of procedure would hardly work in adult society.

I thought for a while I might learn something from the Spanish-speaking people, the most conversationally adroit people on earth. Say to one of them, “This is the most beautiful house I’ve ever been in,”and he responds, “It is made immeasurably more beautiful by your lovely presence.”You are left standing there with immeasurable lovely egg on your face. There is no point in trying to play the game back at them – they’ll top you in the end , no matter what.

One thing is clear: at the bottom of all graceful social intercourse lies poise. Eliza W. Farrar, who wrote one of America’s earliest books on etiquette, illustrated the importance of poise when she told of an elegant New England dinner party at which the host was carving a goose. The bird got away from him, shot out of the dish and landed in the lap of a lady of quality. Given the same circumstances I would have quietly asked for a coil of rope. This host, however, had poise. He said, with superb calmness and gravity, ”Madam, I will thank you for that goose.”If we could all comport ourselves with that kind of dignity, and quit jittering, our social life would be much more enjoyable.

We may acquire a bit more poise if we keep one thing in mind: whenever a person pays you a compliment, the chances are he’s just making conversation. The only sensible response consists of eight little letters arranged neatly into two little words: Thank you.

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Lesson 1 Excuse me! 对不起! Listen to the tape then answer this question. Whose handbag is it? 听录音,然后回答问题,这是谁的手袋? Excuse me! Yes? Is this your handbag? Pardon? Is this your handbag? Yes, it is. Thank you very much. New Word and expressions 生词和短语 excuse v. 原谅 me pron. 我(宾格) yes

adv. 是的 is v. be 动词现在时第三人称单数 this pron.这 your possessive adjective 你的,你们的handbag n. (女用)手提包 pardon int. 原谅,请再说一遍 it pron.它 thank you 感谢你(们) very much 非常地

参考译文 对不起 什么事? 这是您的手提包吗? 对不起,请再说一遍。 这是您的手提包吗? 是的,是我的。非常 感谢! Lesson 3 Sorry, sir. 对不起,先生。 Listen to the tape then answer this question. 听录音,然后回答问题。这位男士有没有要回他的雨伞? My coat and my umbrella please. Here is my ticket. Thank you, sir. Number five. Here's your umbrella and your coat.

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Lesson1: Excuse me! Excuse me! Yes? Is this your handbag? Pardon? Is this your handbag? Yes, it is. Thank you very much. Lesson 3:Sorry sir. My coat and my umbrella please. Here is my ticket. Thank you sir. Number five. Here is your umbrella and your coat. This is not my umbrella. Sorry sir. Is this your umbrella? No, it isn't. Is this it? Yes, it is. Thank you very much. Lesson 5: Nice to meet you. Good morning. Good morning, Mr. Blake. This is Miss Sophie Dupont. Sophie is a new student. She is a French. Sophie, this is Hans. He is German. Nice to meet you. And this is Naoko.

She’s Japanese. Nice to meet you. And this is Chang-woo. He’s Korean. (朝鲜人) Nice to meet you. And this is Luming. He’s Chinese. Nice to meet you. And this is Xiaohui. She’s Chinese, too. Nice to meet you. Lesson 7: Are you a teacher? I’m a new student. My name’s Robert. Nice to meet you. My name’s Sophie. Are you French? Yes, I’m. Are you French, too? No, I’m not. What nationality are you? I’m Ital ian. Are you a teacher? No, I’m not. What’s your job? I’m a keyboard operator. What’s your job? I’m an engineer. Lesson 9: How are you today? Hello, Helen. Hi, Steven. How are you today?

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