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英语笑话-经典英语小笑话

英语笑话-经典英语小笑话
英语笑话-经典英语小笑话

英语笑话

经典英语小笑话

英语笑话(一)

老师在黑板上写了一句:Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道:“汤姆是玛丽。”

小明上英文课时跟老师说:May I go to the toilet?

老师说:Go ahead.

小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿,小明又跟老师说:May I go to the toilet?

老师说:Go ahead.

小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问:你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?

小明说:你没听老师说「去你个头」啊!

英语笑话(二)

某日刘洪涛遇到外宾,上前搭话曰:I am hongtao liu,外宾曰:我TM还是方片七呢!

英语笑话(三)

江青会见外宾,要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻,不许走样。外宾一见到江青,立刻拍马屁道:”Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful.”翻译照翻,江青心花怒放,嘴上还要谦虚一下:“哪里,哪里”。

翻译不敢怠慢,把江青的话翻成英文:”Where? Where?”外宾一愣,还有这样的人,追问哪里漂亮的,干脆马屁拍到底:”Everywhere, everywhere.”

翻译:“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了,但总是要客气一下:“不见得,不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文:”You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see.”

英语笑话(四)

话说某年某月的某一天,叁个神箭手约在一起比箭,目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射,咻一声,利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴,比出一根大拇指道:「I AM后羿!」

B神箭手照本宣科,射中苹果,这回他自大的喊了一句:「I AM 丘比特!」

轮到C了,他也挽弓,利箭射出!结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句:「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」

英语笑话(五)

某人刻苦学习英语,终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞,忙说:I am sorry.

老外应道:I am sorry too.

某人听后又道:I am sorry three.

老外不解,问:What are you sorry for?

某人无奈,道:I am sorry five.

英语笑话(六)

一位来自日本的旅客,坐出租车去机场的路上,看到一辆汽车经过,就说:“oh,TOKOTA!Made in Japan! It is very fast!”又有一辆经过,他又说:“oh,NISSAN!Made in Japan! It is very fast!”司机有点不高兴,觉得他太吵了!当第三辆经过时,他还是说:“oh,HONDA!Made in Japan! It is very fast!”

后来到了机场,那个日本人就问:“How Much?”出租车司机说:“1000!”

日本人惊奇的问司机:“为什么那么贵?”出租车司机回答说:“oh,mileometer(计程表)!Made in Japan! It is very fast!”

英语笑话(七)

英语老师问一个学生,“How are you是什么意思”

学生想how是怎么,you 是你,于是回答“怎么是你?”

老师生气又问另一个同学:“How old are you ?是什么意思?”

这个同学想了想说:“怎么老是你。”

英语笑话(八)

某男,粗通英文,至使馆,有表要填,有一栏是sex。

该男思之久已,毅然下笔:“Once a week“。

签证官观后暴笑,曰:“This item should be filled in with male or female.“

该男顿时赧颜,思之,填下“female“,官楞之,曰:“shouldn’t it be male?“

男急释曰:“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.”

英语笑话(九)

一位在美的留学生,想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张,看到地上标线是向左转。

他不放心的问道:turn left?

监考官回答:right.

于是他立刻向右转。

很抱歉他只有下次再来。

英语笑话(十)

传说克林顿和教皇同一天去世,上帝搞错了,把克林顿送上了天堂,而把教皇送入了

地狱。发现错误后上帝马上改了回来,路上二人相遇。

教皇:感谢上帝,我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了(Virgin Maria).

克林顿(坏笑中):Sorry,it”s too late.

英语笑话(十一)

A:What’s on your hand?

B:Watch.

A:How to spell that?

B:T-H-A-T~

英语笑话(十二)

女:say“i love you”,say it,come on!say it!男:it!

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(1) Liz: Geez! Your room is like an ice-box! 莉斯:老天!你这屋简直是冰箱啊! Terri: No, it's not! It's just comfortable. 特里:不是啊,刚刚好。 Liz: Yeah, if you're a penguin. Just look at me! Even my goose bumps have goose bumps! 莉斯:刚刚好,如果你是企鹅的话。看看我,我都起鸡皮疙瘩了! Terri: Get outta here! I think you're exaggerating! 特里:快出去,你太夸张了! Liz: No, I'm not. Where's the thermostat? 莉斯:我才没有呢。温度调节器在哪呢? Terri: By the door, on the wall. 特里:门旁边,墙上。 Liz: No wonder I'm cold! This thing is set at 65?!

莉斯:怪不得我冷。你把它调到65度?! Terri: Like I said -- perfect! 特里:就像我说的,正好! Liz: If you live in Alaska. By the way, where's the shovel? 莉斯:如果你住在阿拉斯加才正好。哎,铲子在哪? Terri: Why do you need a shovel? 特里:你要铲子干吗? Liz: So I can dig us out when it starts snowing in here. 莉斯:这屋子里下雪的时候把我们俩挖出来呀。 (2) John: It's like an oven in here! You must be roasting! 约翰:这屋简直像个烤箱!你快被烤熟了吧? Martha: Actually, I'm just comfortable. 玛撒:实际上,我感觉刚好。 John: You've got to be kidding me. It has to be over 95 degrees in here!

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经典英语笑话故事大全 Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father." The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, "Your Grace." The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence." Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle, "Well?" So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh my God!" A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing. The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting. The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally the drunk replies, "No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper." As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short." A man went to see his Rabbi and said, "Rabbi, if I give up drinking, partying all night, chasing the opposite sex and start coming to Synagogue regularly instead, will I live longer?" "No," the Rabbi replied, "It will just feel longer."

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最搞笑的英语小笑话十则 生活中怎么能少了笑话来调味一下我们乏味枯燥 的日常呢?一则搞笑的小笑话就能让我们原本苦恼的心情立刻变得像春天的鲜花一样灿烂,学习啦小编为你准备了非常搞笑的英语笑话及其翻译,希望你的生活像夏日的阳光一样! 搞笑的英语小笑话1:E x p e n s i v e P r i c e D e n t i s t:I m s o r r y,m a d a m,b u t I l l h a v e t o c h a r g e y o u t w e n t y-f i v e d o l l a r s f o r p u l l i n g y o u r s o n s t o o t h. M o t h e r: T w e n t y-f i v e d o l l a r s! B u t I t h o u g h t y o u o n l y c h a r g e d f i v e d o l l a r s f o r a n e x t r a c t i o n. D e n t i s t:I u s u a l l y d o.B u t y o u r s o n y e l l e d s o l o u d,h e s c a r e d f o u r o t h e r p a t i e n t s o u t o f t h e o f f i c e. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生:对不起,夫人,为给您的儿子拔牙,我得收二十五美元。 母亲:二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀?

牙科医生:是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤,他都吓跑四位病人了 搞笑的英语小笑话2:I W a s n t A s l e e p W h e n a g r o u p o f w o m e n g o t o n t h e c a r,e v e r y s e a t w a s a l r e a d y o c c u p i e d.T h e c o n d u c t o r n o t i c e d a m a n w h o s e e m e d t o b e a s l e e p, a n d f e a r i n g h e m i g h t m i s s h i s s t o p, h e n u d g e d h i m a n d s a i d:W a k e u p,s i r! I w a s n t a s l e e p,t h e m a n a n s w e r e d. N o t a s l e e p?B u t y o u h a d y o u r e y e s c l o s e d. I k n o w. I j u s t h a t e t o l o o k a t l a d i e s s t a n d i n g u p b e s i d e m e i n a c r o w d e d c a r. 我没有睡着 当一群妇女上车之后,车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了,他担心这个人会坐过站,就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他,说:先生,醒醒! 我没有睡着。那个男人回答。 没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀? 我知道,我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。

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关于爆笑的英语笑话大全 民间笑话故事像神话小说等民间文学一样,是广大劳动人民在长期的生产劳动和与自然界作斗争的过程中,以口头形式创作和传承的文学体裁。本文是关于爆笑的英语笑话,希望对大家有帮助! VIEWING THE PAINTING A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian." IN THE CONFESSION BOX A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest cough to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies, "No use knocking, there's no paper in this one either." A SMALL SERVICE ONE SUNDAY MORNING A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house." "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!"

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【篇一】笑话的英语怎么说 笑话的英文: joke jest jape 参考例句: A rum joke 拙劣的笑话 A vulgar gesture,suggestion,joke 下流的手势、示意、笑话. She's fond of jesting 她喜欢讲笑话。 He has a wide repertoire of dirty jokes. 他一肚子下流笑话. She savoured the joke with relish. 她对这个笑话很感兴趣. A prudish refusal to enjoy rude jokes 拘谨得听不得粗俗的笑话. The rapid-fire jokes of a comedian 喜剧演员连续说出的笑话. They groaned at his dirty joke. 他们对他下流的笑话发出不满之声。

The speaker played to the gallery by indulging in vulgar jokes. 为了哗众取宠,那位演讲者大讲粗俗笑话。 He just roared when he heard that joke! 他听了那笑话就哈哈地笑起来. 【篇二】笑话的英语表达 1.(引人发笑的故事, 笑料) joke; jest; jape 2.(耻笑; 讥笑) laugh at; ridicule; howl; sneer at 例句: Her , offers to help ? that is a laugh ! 她,主动帮她忙?简直是笑话! I was tickled to death at the joke . 听了那笑话,我的肚皮都笑破了。 I was?greatly tickled at the joke . 想起这个笑话感到有趣得了不得。 I slipped a few jokes into the speech . 我在讲话中巧妙地加了几句笑话。 Tell us a joke to liven things up . 你说个笑话让大伙儿热闹热闹吧。 The conversation was enlivened with jokes . 笑话使谈话变得活泼。 I thought his jokes were in very poor taste . 我认为他讲的笑话太粗俗了。

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