英语幽默句子
幽默的英语句子
1) Money is not everything. There…s Mastercard & Visa.
钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
2) One should love animals. They are so tasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。3)Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。
4)Love the neighbor. But don…t get caught.
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。
5)Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个女人。
6)Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。
7)The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise.
聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。
8)Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）。
9)Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。
10)Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
爱情就象照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。（老外也保守，要摸黑办事，哈哈）
11)Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。
12)"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep. "
现在的梦想决定着你的将来"，所以还是再睡一会吧。
13)There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。
14)"Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk? "
"努力工作不会导致死亡！"不过我不会用自己去证明。
15)"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! "
"工作好有意思耶！"尤其是看着别人工作。
16)God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。
17)When two…s company, three…s the result! 两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是！
18)A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. 服饰就象铁丝网，它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看。
19)The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.
学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着？
1.国外有个节目采访lord of ring（指环王）里面那个小哈比人时，他讲了个冷笑话：
Q: a deer, has no eyes, what's its name？（一只鹿，没有眼睛，应该叫什么？）
A: I don?t know ,what is it？（我不知道，该叫什么？）
Q: no eye deer……(no idea)（没眼睛鹿……没主意（英语口语的谐音））
agian, a deer has no eyes, no legs, what's its name？（那么，一只鹿，没眼睛，也没有腿，该叫什么？）
A: I don?t know, what's it then？（我还是不知道，应该叫什么？）
Q: still no idea……”（还是没眼睛鹿（用了谐音））
2.某次英文考试有两道题目：
1）我穿上外套，却发现第一个扣子掉了。
2）他听见电话铃响，就过去接了电话。
正确答案应为：
1）I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.
2）As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.
但是某生的答案是：
1）Shit!
2）Hello?
3老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money，并让同学们翻译。
有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”
4小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！
5某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu．
外宾曰：我他妈还是方片七呢！
6江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。
外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful."
翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?"
外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere." 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”
江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。
翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."
7一对热恋中的男女。女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“SAY …I LOVE YOU!!?SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”
男的答道：“IT!”
8某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，
忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.
某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.
9某男，亦粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是：Sex，该男思之久已，毅然下笔：“Once a week”。
签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.”
该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female”，官楞之，曰：“shouldn?t it be male?”
男急释曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.
和“Kiss”有关的词汇
kiss-ass n.马屁精,谄媚者, 奉承
kiss good-bye 吻别, 放弃,失去
kiss of death n.死神之吻，乍看有益但会导致毁灭的行为
kiss of life n.生命之吻
kiss of live n.口对口人工呼吸
kiss of peace [宗] 接吻礼,团结友爱的接吻
kiss the rod v.甘心受罚
kiss the post v.吃闭门羹；为时过晚
blow a kiss 飞吻
vacuum kiss 真空吻（*ing the air out of one?s partner?s mouth and l ungs）
French kiss 法式接吻（kiss with your mouth open and your tongues touching）
Platonic kiss 柏拉图之吻（short kiss on the check for greeting）
Smooch v/n 热吻
Peck n 匆匆轻吻
经典英语绕口令
1. Canners can can what they can can but can not can things can't be canned.
2. Bill's big brother is building a beautiful building between two big brick blocks.
3.Please, Paul, pause for applause.
4.“Shall I show you the shop for shoes and shirts?” Shirley said to shelly.
5.Do you agree, if you are free to come to tea with me by the sea?
6.Paul called from the hall that he had slipped on the floor and couldn't get to the door.
7.I'd buy my ties before the price begins to rise.
8.A snow-white swan swam swiftly to catch a slowly swimming snake in a lake.
9.It is a fine thing to sing in Spring, I think.
10.Famine and failure faced the frightened farmer.
11.I am amazed it is a craze these days to dance to music of Jazz.
12.In winter the weather in Wales is wild
13.I know. You know. I know that you know. I know that you know that I know.
14.Mike likes to write by the nice bright light at night.
15.Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
英语谚语500句（A:51--100）
51) A man becomes learned by asking questions.
不耻下问才能有学问。
52) A man can do no more than he can.
凡事都应量力而行。
53) A man cannot spin and reel at the same time.
一心不能二用。
54) A man is known by his friends.
什么人交什么朋友。
55) A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
光说空话不做事，犹如花园光长刺。
56) A man without money is no man at all.
一分钱难倒英雄汉。
57) A merry heart goes all the way.
心旷神怡，事事顺利。
58) A miss is as good as a mile.
失之毫厘，差之千里。
59) A mother's love never changes.
母爱永恒。
60) An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
一天一苹果，不用请医生。
61) A new broom sweeps clean.
新官上任三把火。
62) An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
以眼还眼，以牙还牙。
63) An hour in the morning is worth two in the evening.
一日之计在于晨。
64) An old dog cannot learn new tricks.
老狗学不出新把戏。
65) An ounce of luck is better than a pound of wisdom.
聪明才智，不如运气。
66) An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
预防为主，治疗为辅。
67) A rolling stone gathers no moss.
滚石不生苔，转业不聚财。
68) As a man sows, so he shall reap.
种瓜得瓜，种豆得豆。
69) A single flower does not make a spring.
一花独放不是春，百花齐放春满园。
70) A snow year, a rich year.
瑞雪兆丰年。
71) A sound mind in a sound body.
健全的精神寓于健康的身体。
72) A still tongue makes a wise head.
寡言者智。
73) A stitch in time saves nine.
小洞不补，大洞吃苦。
74) A straight foot is not afraid of a crooked shoe.
身正不怕影子斜。
75) A wise head makes a close mouth.
真人不露相，露相非真人。
76) A word spoken is past recalling.
一言既出，驷马难追。
77) A year's plan starts with spring.
一年之计在于春。
78) A young idler, an old beggar.
少壮不努力，老大徒伤悲。
79) Bad news has wings.
好事不出门，坏事传千里。
80) Barking dogs seldom bite.
吠犬不咬人.
81) Beauty lies in the love's eyes.
情人眼里出西施。
82) Be swift to hear, slow to speak.
听宜敏捷，言宜缓行。
83) Better late than never.
不怕慢，单怕站。
84) Better to ask the way than go astray.
问路总比迷路好。
85) Between friends all is common.
朋友之间不分彼此。
86) Birds of a feather flock together.
物以类聚，人以群分。
87) Blood is thicker than water.
血浓于水。
88) Blood will have blood.
血债血偿。
89) Books and friends should be few but good.
读书如交友，应求少而精。
90) Business is business.
公事公办。
91) Business is the salt of life.
事业是人生的第一需要。
92) By reading we enrich the mind, by conversation we polish it.
读书使人充实，交谈使人精明。
93) Cannot see the wood for the trees.
一叶障目，不见泰山。
94) Care and diligence bring luck.
谨慎和勤奋才能抓住机遇。
95) Caution is the parent of safety.
小心驶得万年船。
96) Cheats never prosper.
骗人发不了财。
97) Children are what the mothers are.
耳濡目染，身教言传。
98) Choose an author as you choose a friend.
择书如择友。
99) Come what may, heaven won't fall.
做你的吧，天塌不下来。
100) Complacency is the enemy of study.
学习的敌人是自己的满足。
英语脑筋急转弯[11]
1.Who is closer to you，your mom or your dad？爸爸和妈妈谁和你更亲？
2.What month do soldiers hate？当兵的不喜欢几月份？
3.How many feet are there in a yard？一码有多少英尺？
4.What is heavier in summer than in winter？什么东西夏天比冬天重？
5.What clothing is always sad？什么衣服总是伤感的？
6.How many legs do horses have？马有几条腿？
7.What fruit is never found singly？什么水果永远不会是单个的？
8.What kind of clothes lasts the longest？什么衣服穿得最久？
9.Does any child like going to school？有没有小孩子喜欢上学？
10.Why are giraffes the cheapest to feed？为什么养长颈鹿最不花钱？
11.How can you make the door last？怎样能使门经久耐用？
12.What?s the most difficult train to catch？赶什么火车最不容易？
13.Why do people go to bed？人们为什么睡觉？
14. What letter do most people fear most？大多数人最害怕什么字母？
15.What two words contain thousands of letters？哪两个单词包含了所有的字母？
16.Which state in the United States is round at both ends and high in the middle？
美国哪个州两头圆，中间高？
17.What?s the smallest room in the World？世界上什么房间最小？
18.What did the big chimney say to the little chimney while working？
工作时大烟囱对小烟囱说些什么？
19.How long is a shoe，usually？一般鞋有多长？
20.Which can move faster，heat or cold？冷和热谁跑得快？
21.What comes before six？六前面是什么？
22.Who will be your real friend，a poor friend or a rich one？
贫穷的朋友和富贵的朋友，谁会成为你真正的朋友？
23.What color is the wind？风是什么颜色？
Keys and notes答案和注释:
1.Mom is closer，because dad is farther．妈妈更亲，因为爸爸更远。
father父亲，音似farther更远
2.March．三月。march n．行军
3.It depends on how many people stand in the yard．这要看院子里站了多少人。
feet n．英尺；脚（pl．）yard n．院子；码
4.heavy adj．重的；交通量大的，繁忙的
5.Blue Jeans．蓝色牛仔服。blue adj．蓝色的；伤感的
6.six legs--forelegs in front and two in back．
有六条腿，前面有前腿，后面有两条腿。forelegs n．前腿，音似four legs（四条腿）
7.A pear．是梨。音似pair n．一对
8.Underwear，because it?s never worn out．是内衣，因为它永远不会穿在外面
worn out穿坏，磨损/穿在外面
9.Every child likes going to school．Most of them just hate staying there before going home．
每个孩子都喜欢去学校，大部分的孩子只不过不喜欢在回家之前呆在那儿罢了。
go to School有两种理解：①在学校读书，上学；②去学校，上学校
10.They make a little food go a long wag．
因为它们脖子长，一点点食物都要走很长的路才能咽下去。
go a long way维持很长一段时间
11.Make other things first．先做其他的东西。
make the door last另一种理解是：最后做门
12.The 12：50 train，because it?s ten to one if you catch it．
是12点50分的火车，因为赶上它只有10比1的概率。
ten to one 1点差10分；10比1
quarter/＇kw&:t/n．四分之一；二十五美分
13.Because the bed won?t come to us．因为床不会走向我们。
go to bed另一种理解是：走向床，走到床跟前
14.The letter E，because it?s the end of lif e．是字母E，
因为它是“life”这个单词末尾的字母。“It?s the end of life.”另一种理解是：它是生命的结束。
15.Post Office.邮局。letter n．信件；字母
16. Ohio．俄亥俄州。Ohio两头是O，中间是hi，音似high。
17.A mushroom.是蘑菇。
18.“You?re too young to smoke．”“你还年轻，不该抽烟。”smoke v.抽烟；冒烟
19.A little more than a foot long．一英尺多一点。
foot n．英尺；脚“A little more than a foot long”实指“比脚长点点”。
20.Heat，because you can catch cold．热跑得快，因为你追得上冷。
cold n．冷；感冒catch cold追上冷；患感冒
21.The milkman．送牛奶的人。
“What comes before six？”另一种理解是：什么在六点钟之前来？
22. A poor friend，
because a friend in need is a friend indeed．贫穷的朋友，因为患难之交是真情。
a friend in need患难之交in need需要帮助，需要资助，穷困的
23.The wind blew风在吹Blue．蓝色。
英语脑筋急转弯[10]
1. Why are giraffes the cheapest to feed?为什么养长颈鹿最不花钱？
2. Why are dogs afraid to sunbathe?狗为什么害怕日光浴？
3. Why is the pig always eating?猪为什么没完没了地吃？
4、Why are politicians no longer concerned with snowball fights?政客们为什么不再关注打雪仗了？
5、Why don't women get bald as soon as men?为什么总是男人比女人先秃头？
6、What can pierce one's ears without a hole?什么东西不用打洞就可以在耳朵上穿孔？
7. What's the longest word in the world?世界上最长的单词是什么？
8. Why does time fly?时间为何飞逝？
9. Where can a dog get another tail?狗去哪里可以再弄到一条尾巴？
Keys:
1. They make a little food go a long way.因为它们脖子长，一点点食物都要走很长的路才能咽下去。
2. They don't want to be hot-dog.因为它们不想成为热狗。
3. He's making a hog of himself.它想成为一只肉猪。
4、The cold war is over.冷战结束了。
5、Because women wear hire longer.因为女人头发留得长。
6、Noice.噪音。
7. Smiles. Because there's a mile between the letter 's'.微笑。因为两个字母S中间隔了一里。
8. To get away from all those who are trying to kill it.为的是甩掉所有要谋杀它的人。
9. At a retail store.在零售商店。
Questions：
1.Will it rain for several days continuously？会不会连续几天阴雨连绵？
2.Who can raise things without lifting them？什么人不用举就能把东西抬起来？
3.What did the king cloud say to the rest of the clouds？云中之王对芸芸众生说什么？
4.Who is married to the First Lady？第一夫人嫁给了谁？
Keys：
1.Never，because there're nights in between.永远不会，因为白昼之间有黑夜隔开。
2.Farmers.农民。
3.“I'm the one who should rain here.”“我要在这里降雨。”
4.Adam.是亚当。
Notes：
1.day n.一天；一个白昼
continuously adv.连续不断地
2.raise举起，抬起；饲养，种植
3. rain v.下雨，音似reign v.统治
4.the First Lady第一夫人，总统夫人
the first lady第一位女士，指夏娃
Questions：
1.What does the man who just had his face shaved resemble？刚刚修过胡须的男人像什么？
2.Why did the farmer take his chicken to task？农夫为什么训斥小鸡？
3.How do we know the ocean is friendly？人们如何知道海洋是友好的呢？
Keys：
1.A bear.像熊。
2.Because they use foul language.因为它们说脏话。
3.It waves.它总是招手致意。
Notes：
1.resemble v.与…相像
bear n.熊，音似bare adj.光秃秃的，无遮盖的
bare-faced面孔干干净净，没有胡须的
bear-faced脸和熊一样的
2.foul adj.脏的，音似fowl n.家禽
3.wave v.起波浪；招手致意
Questions：
1.How did the hangman get married？绞刑吏是怎么结婚的？
2.Why did little Tom put his brother's guitar in the refrigerator？小汤姆为什么把他哥哥的吉他放在冰箱里？
3.Why is the inside of everything so mysterious？为什么说凡事内部都神秘莫测？
Keys：
1.He tied a knot.他打了一个结。
2.Because he enjoyed cool music.因为他爱听美妙的音乐。
3.Because you can never make them out.因为你永远也不能弄懂它们。
Notes：
1.hangman n.绞刑吏，刽子手
tie a knot打一个结；缔结良缘
2.refrigerator n.电冰箱（也可写作fridge或者icebox）
cool adj.凉的，冷的；棒的，超级的，美妙的
3.make them out有两层意思：①把它们变到外面来；②弄懂它们，看清它们
mysterious adj.难理解的，神秘的
Questions：
1.Why is a coward like a leaky faucet？为什么说胆小鬼和漏水的笼头一样？
2.Why should we never ask balloons for advice？为什么我们绝不向汽球征求意见？
3.What band can't play music？什么乐队不会演奏音乐？
Keys：
1.They both run.因为它们都会溜走。
2.They are full of hot air.因为它们里面全是热空气。
3.Rubber band.橡皮筋。
Notes：
1.coward n.懦夫，胆小鬼faucet n.水笼头leaky adj.漏的，有漏洞的
run v.跑，溜走；流动，流（水）
2.hot air热空气；吹牛，胡说
3.band n.乐队，吹奏乐队；带子，绳子rubber band橡皮筋
Questions：
1.Do audience ever steal anything？听众会偷东西吗？
2.What will the farmer grow in his garden if he doesn't mind working hard？假如一个农夫不在乎劳动有多辛苦，他会在园子里种什么？
Keys：
1.Yes，when they take the floor.当他们发言时就会这样做。
2.He will grow tired.他会累的。
Notes：
1.audience n.听众，观众
take the floor有两种理解：①词组真正的含义是“发言”；②在答案中可理解为“拿走地板”。
2.grow v.种植；变得…
1) If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
2) Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
3) What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
4) Where do you find giant snails?
ANSWER
<1> Wet
<2> Taxi driver
<3> An envelope
<4> On the ends of their fingers
1. Who works only one day in a year butnever gets fired?
谁一年只上一天却不会被开除？
2. Why does the Statue of Lib-erty stand in New York harbou?
自由女神为何矗立在纽约港湾？
3 Why doi birds fly south?
鸟为什么往南飞?
4 When can you go as fast as aracing car?
什么时候你能像跑车一样快？
Keys:
1. Santa Claus. 圣诞老人.
2. Because it can't sit down. 因为它不能坐下.
3. It's too far to walk. 走着去太远了.
4. When you're in it. 当你坐在跑车里时.
The Longest and the Shortest
A teacher asked asked one of his students: " What is the longest and what is the shortest?"
The student answered immediately: " The last several minutes of a class is the longest, while the last several minutes of an exam is the shortest."
对话形式的英语小笑话-英语小笑话 非常短
对话形式的英语小笑话|英语小笑话非常短 在交际场合,能恰到好处地讲个笑话或自创一个幽默,不仅可以体现自己的语言水平,还可以提升个人魅力。小编整理了对话形式的英语小笑话，欢迎阅读! 对话形式的英语小笑话篇一 He is really somebody! ” My uncle has 1000 men under him.” ”He is really somebody. What does he do?” ”A maintenance man in a cemetery. “ 他真是一个大人物! 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 他真是一个大人物。干什么的? 墓地守墓人。 对话形式的英语小笑话篇二 A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, “Attention,passengers. We have lost one o f our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the threewe have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result.”
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, “Guess what, folks. We justlost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive inLondon three hours late.” At this point, one passenger became furious. “For Pete's sake,” he shouted, “If we lose anotherengine, we'll be up here all night!” 一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时。 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：各位，你们猜怎么啦?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。 对话形式的英语小笑话篇三 A ne wspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: “If a fire broke out inthe Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?” 一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅? The winning repl y was: “The one nearest the exit.” 获奖的答案是：最接近门口的那一幅。 看了对话形式的英语小笑话的人还看了：
英语课堂搞笑对话
英语情景对话,自己和舍友5个人在课堂上表演过.材料是自己整合了几个小故事和网上的对话小片段,在此为需要帮助的同学提供点参考.为了更好的说明,中间穿插了汉语.(英语水平不行啊).主要以娱乐为主.故事大概是这样的,有一个老师(也是旁白)和他的四个学生,一个美国人,一个印度人,一个中国人,一个日本人.看到这儿,应该可以猜到内容了,恶搞日本人的.对话如下: Pangbai: Long time ago, I was a teacher in a village and My name is Hutu and I have four students: an American. a Chinese , an India and a Japanese. Now they are coming . 四个人登场,进行自我介绍 (印度人):Good morning, boys and girls. I’m India and the monitor of the class. (中国人): Hello, everyone. I’m Chinese. (美国人): Hi, I’m American. (日本人,自我介绍的时候鞠个躬,显示所谓的礼仪): Hi, I’m Japanese and my English is very poor; Pangbai: During the National Day ,they travelled from Xi’an to Shanghai passby Luoyang. It’s said that some interesting and funny story have been happened when they travelled. Now , they will show us what actually happened in their trip.
搞笑的英文句子
搞笑的英文句子 1、Thewisenevermarry,Andwhentheymarrytheybecomeotherwise. 聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。 2、Whentwo'scompany,three'stheresult! 两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是！ 3、Successisarelativeterm.Itbringssomanyrelatives. 成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）。 4、 Themoreyoulearn,themoreyouknow,Themoreyouknow,themoreyouforget.Themoreyouforget,thelessyouknow.Sowhybothertolearn. 学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着？ 5、Savewater.Showerwithyourgirlfriend. 要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。 6、Thereshouldbeabetterwaytostartadaythanwakingupeverymorning. 应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。 7、Godmaderelatives;ThankGodwecanchooseourfriends. 神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。 8、Adressislikeabarbedfence.Itprotectsthepremiseswithoutrestrictingtheview. 服饰就象铁丝网，它阻止你贸然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看。 9、“Hardworkneverkilledanybody.”Butwhytaketherisk?“ ”努力工作不会导致死亡！“不过我不会用自己去证明。 10、Everymanshouldmarry.Afterall,happinessisnottheonlythinginlife. 再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。
十个英语情景对话
情景一A：你是北京交通职业技术学院的学生李磊，被派往机场迎接来自哈佛大学的White 教授。你询问他飞行是否愉快，并表示飞机没有晚点就是最好的事情了。B：你是来自哈佛大学的White 教授，你感谢李磊来接机。15个小时的飞行你很累。你希望能够赶快去酒店洗个热水澡，睡一觉。情景二 A：你是学校秘书王小姐，见到了来自哈佛大学的White 教授，你邀请他周日参加你们学校50周年校庆，并在周日下午做一个关于Lifelong Study 的讲座。告诉他全校学生都会参加，并相信学生们会有所收获。B:你是哈佛大学的White 教授，你被邀请周日参加北京交通职业技术学院50周年校庆，并在周日下午做一个关于Lifelong Study 的讲座。你询问了题目、具体时间和地点、参加人员等问题。情景三A: 你是Annie，你的姐姐Jennie下周日结婚，你打电话恭喜她新婚快乐，并祝她早生贵子，并表示一定会按时参加他们的婚礼，期待姐姐穿婚纱的样子。并建议他们巴黎度蜜月。B:你是姐姐Jennie，你下周日结婚，你妹妹打电话祝贺。你表示感谢，并邀请他参加你们的婚礼派对。你询问妹妹对去哪里进行蜜月的建议。情景四A:你是Annie, 你邀请你的搭档Jennie周日一起去看京剧---你们的共同爱好，你们都认为京剧是中国传统文化，体现了中国的文化历史，应该吸引更多青年人喜欢。B: 你是Jennie, 你邀请你周日一起去看京剧,你表示感谢并询问见面的时间地点等内容。你表示现在越来越多的人喜欢京剧了。要赢得更多人喜欢，京剧需要融入新的元素。情景五 A：你是李磊.你的朋友王宇搬入了新房子，你去拜访。你带了一瓶红酒作为礼物。你夸赞了新房子：很大，阳光充足、装修漂亮。 B: 你是王宇。李磊来你新家做客并带了礼物，你表示感谢。你请李磊留下来吃晚餐，并欢迎你经常来做客。情景六A:你是ABC公司总经理秘书Annie, 你接到了来自客户Tommy的电话，他想和总经理谈一下订单发货的事情，但经理在开会。你打算记录留言并转告经理。B:你是客户Tommy，你想想和总经理谈一下订单发货的事情，你希望尽快发货以方便圣诞节前的销售。经理不在，你决定让秘书转告，并期待经理尽快回电话给你。情景七A: 你是Annie, 你最近瘦了10斤，你的方法和健康：每天3千米的长跑，周末游泳一个小时，合理饮食，多吃蔬菜和新鲜水果。B：你是Jennie,你很羡慕Annie最近瘦了10斤，你询问Annie减肥的方法。你觉得自己生活方式不健康：睡得太晚，不爱运动，吃太多肉。你打算改变，从下周开始每天跑步和注意饮食。情景八A: 你是Annie,你来自内蒙古，现在在北京上学，你表示不太喜欢北京的气候，太干燥。而且夏天太热。不过你觉得北京冬天比你们家乡暖和。你觉得内蒙古的空气更好，晚上可以清晰看到很多星星。你邀请你好朋友Jennie 暑假去你们那里玩。B：你是Jennie,你是北京人，没去过内蒙古。你和来自内蒙古的Annie聊天，你询问她对北京天气的看法。你表示北京夏天没有空调不行，北京的空气正在逐渐改善。希望有机会去内蒙古看看。
一个有趣的英语对话
Time: afternoon Place: restaurant A--jujian B--Allen A: Hi Allen ,long time no see. how you doing? B:oh, not so good. A:what is wrong with you? B:I bought a new cell phone the other day. But it turned out to be a substandard product. A: oh, that is too bad. What is wrong with it? B: One part of the screen did not response to my finger touch. I didn’t find that until I tried to send a micromassage(微信), when the “send” button just in the no-reaction area. A: When did you find the problem? B : One day after I bought it A: so you can return the purchase? B: Oh , not that easy. If I want to return the purchase, I must bring it to the specific repairment office to do a 5 days test to prove that the breakdown did not result from my improper use. A:Oh,that would be too complicated. Moreover , it brings about so much in convenience. How can one live without a mobilephone for a week nowadays? B: Yes. So I simply bought a new one on the internet. A: Oh,that is not your style. B:yes ,but I change my mind. much less it is not a good cell phone it is cheep ,so I bought
英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)
英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译) 线话英语|2016-03-14 17:03:05 英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)如下： Midway Tactics Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!" The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE". 中间战术 三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。 右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!” 左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!” 中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。 Very Pleased to Meet You During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I’m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys." "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
英语幽默句子
幽默的英语句子 1) Money is not everything. There…s Mastercard & Visa. 钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。 2) One should love animals. They are so tasty. 每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。3)Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. 要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。 4)Love the neighbor. But don…t get caught. 要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。 5)Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个女人。 6)Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. 再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。 7)The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise. 聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。 8)Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. 成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）。 9)Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. 不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。 10)Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop. 爱情就象照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。（老外也保守，要摸黑办事，哈哈） 11)Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。 12)"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep. " 现在的梦想决定着你的将来"，所以还是再睡一会吧。 13)There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning. 应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。 14)"Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk? " "努力工作不会导致死亡！"不过我不会用自己去证明。 15)"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! " "工作好有意思耶！"尤其是看着别人工作。 16)God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. 神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。 17)When two…s company, three…s the result! 两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是！ 18)A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. 服饰就象铁丝网，它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看。 19)The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn. 学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着？ 1.国外有个节目采访lord of ring（指环王）里面那个小哈比人时，他讲了个冷笑话： Q: a deer, has no eyes, what's its name？（一只鹿，没有眼睛，应该叫什么？） A: I don?t know ,what is it？（我不知道，该叫什么？）
关于英语幽默小故事欣赏
关于英语幽默小故事欣赏 中间战术Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!" The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!" The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE". 中间战术 三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。 右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!” 左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!” 中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“处”。 很高兴认识你Very Pleased to Meet You During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys." "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
搞笑的英文句子或短语
搞笑的英文句子或短语 本文是关于经典语段的，仅供参考，如果觉得很不错，欢迎点评和分享。 搞笑的英文句子或短语 1、Constant dropping wears the stone. （滴水穿石。） 2、If a thing is worth doing it is worth doing well. （如果事情值得做，就值得做好。） 3、One should love animals. They are so tasty. 每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。 4、Misfortunes never come alone/single. （祸不单行。） 5、Actions speak louder than words. （行动比语言更响亮。） 6、Before Liang Zhuge coming out, he didnt have experience in leading the army! why i should have experience when look for a job 诸葛亮出山前，也没带过兵！凭啥我就要工作经验 7、From small beginning come great things. （伟大始于渺小。） 8、Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。 9、The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise. 聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。 10、Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. （无热情成就不了伟业。） 11、Better late than never. （迟做总比不做好；晚来总比不来好。） 12、Lifeless, faultless. （只有死人才不犯错误。） 13、There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning. 应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。 14、Misfortunes tell us what fortune is. （不经灾祸不知福。） 15、Truth never fears investigation. （事实从来不怕调查。） 16、“Hard work never killed anybody.” But why take the risk 努力工作不会导致死亡！不过我不会用自己去证明。 17、Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
小学英语课外拓展 英文小笑话集锦
●它咬人吗Does He Bite Reggie:We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him? Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite? Reggie: That's what I want to find out. 里基：我们又得到了一条新狗，你愿意过来和他玩一会吗？ 罗恩：嗯，我不知道----它咬人吗？ 里基：这正是我想要查明的。 ●两块蛋糕Two Pieces of Cake Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please? Mom: Certainly----take this piece and cut it two! 汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗？ 妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧！ ●不算太坏Not too Bad Did you sell any of your paintings at the art show?" "No, but I am encouraged," he replied. "Somebody stole one." “你的画在美术展上有卖出去吗？” “没有，但我还是受到了鼓励，”他回答说，“有人偷走了一幅。” ● A Silly Father 傻爸爸 Mr. White was watching TV when his eight-year-old son came into the room. He cried, Father, my grandpa just now slapped me in the face. Hearing that, Mr. White became very angry. And then he suddenly boxed his own ears heavily and said, You beat my son and I dare to beat yours.
有趣的英文对话
有趣的英文对话 （电视台主持人Jimmy/希尔顿酒店美女老板Hilton） Host: Paris Hilton，the name that’s on every one’s lip these past few week, and here now her an exclusive interview with Jimmy Fallon is Paris Hilton Jimmy: As we agreed, we won’t be discussing the scandal that's been in the papears these last couple weeks, ok Paris Hilton: Thank you, Jimmy I appreciated that Jimmy: No problem, no problem, we just want to find out about you, Paris Hilton, so your family, they own hotels, they go around the world right? Paris Hilton: They are set at New York, London, Paris Jimmy: So, so there actually there is a Paris Hilton Paris Hilton: Yes, There is Jimmy: Is it hard to get into the Paris Hilton? Paris Hilton: Actually it’s a very exclusive hotel, no matter what you’ve heard Jimmy: Yeah, I hear that Paris Hilton is very beautiful Paris Hilton: I am glad you heard that Jimmy: I actually hear its picture is prefect, can I take picture of it? Paris Hilton: Not any more Jimmy: Can’t do that any more, today ahh, they allow double occupancy at the Paris Hilton? Paris Hilton: No Jimmy: Is the Paris Hilton roomy?
英语幽默的语用分析
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最牛英语口语培训模式：躺在家里练口语，全程外教一对一，三个月畅谈无阻！ 洛基英语，免费体验全部在线一对一课程：https://www.wendangku.net/doc/de11703740.html,/wenkxd.htm（报名网址） 西式幽默 Western Humour 冯骥才 Feng Jicai 学院请来一位洋教师，长得挺怪，红脸，金发，连鬓大胡须，有几根胡子一直逾过面颊，挨近鼻子，他个子足有二米，每迸屋门必须低头，才能躲过门框子的拦击，叫人误以为他进门先鞠躬，这不太讲究礼貌了吗？ Our institute employed an English teacher. He looked very strange red-faced, golden-haired, with a thick growth of whiskers that reached all the way to the nose. He was really tall-- no less than six foot five. When he came in through the door, he had to lower his head to avoid banging against the door frame. It looked as though he always bowed to you at the door and that was much too polite. 顶怪的是，他每每与中国学生聊天，聊到可笑之处时，他不笑，脸上也没表情，好象他不喜欢玩笑；可是有时毫不可笑的事，他会冷不防放声大笑，笑得翻江倒 洛基英语是中国英语培训市场上的一朵奇葩，是全球已被验证的东方人英语学习的最佳模式。洛基英
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